I figured I had fallen asleep in the little cafe because I woke up to a small Spanish lady shaking me awake and telling me to go.
My eyes were still wet, I tried to remember what happened and then it all came flooding back, the fight, the violence, the crying.
I had a text from Josh it read,
"I am so sorry about earlier I don't know what I was thinking, I was just confused. Sorry x." Oh so now he apologises.
I didn't want to forgive him, I wanted Ash back.
I wanted his huge hands to to rub my cheeks and stroke my hair.
It was perfectly fine Josh doing that, yet it wasn't the same. It was special when Ash did it, it meant something, something deep.
Something much more that just what it actually was. He was so flipping special to me.
And he had gone and ruined that, don't get me wrong if he came back I would definitely need him again.
But he would know about my tears.
"Go go." it was the Spanish lady again, I was still standing in the shop gazing out the window.
I walked out and slowly back down the lane to my house.
What if something had happened, to Ash I mean.
Was there a reason he wasn't contacting me or that he went away was he perhaps ill.
No, he would tell me surely, yes.
But I can't help but think that something has gone wrong.
That was when the lights went out.
I had been walking so carelessly I had walked straight into the road and got hit.
Everything went black, I felt nothing.
There was great noise in the distance and then there was nothing.
All gone, it was bliss so quiet so, so easy, so simple.
I wish I could stay like this forever and never have to go back to the torture that was my life.
Black, its a strange colour.
Well in fact it's not, a colour.
It is my life.
