Gone again.
I felt like I was swimming in blackness, I felt numb then I jolted awake.
In a hospital room.
No ash no Josh no Luke no Cal no Michael no Emma no Beatriz no Mia.
Just my mom...my dad...and Alice.
"Wh...what...where." I said trying sit up but my mum laid me back down.
"Ohh thank the Lord you woke omg you scared me so flipping much Ellie." She cried hugging me.
What...my name is Olivia.
I began to cry.
"You were in a coma for 5 months ohh you came back I thought I lost you."
I am so confused. "Where's Ashton and Josh and Emma and Beatriz and Cal and Mia and Luke and Michael." I said feeling scared.
"Who are they?" My mum said puzzled.
"Stop talking nonsense Ellie."
What on earth...if Ash isn't real and I was in a coma...doesn't that mean none of that was real.
I cried for 3 hours.
No one understood.
I screamed in fustration knowing I would never get to smell his smell, see his eyes, tangle my self up in his hair.
The lump in my throat slowly rose, I swallowed it down again tears rolling down my cheeks.
My heart snapped that day. I never enjoy anything now.
I miss him he lit up my world.
I have the same dream ever night. We sit on a bed together and he says to me:
"Did you love him..." tears roll slowly down his cheeks. "Like you love me?" He finished in a whisper, the tears also rolling down my cheeks now.
I look at him deep in his eyes crying. "No...no of course not.." I cried. "I won't love anyone like I love you." Then it ends.
It hurts so much.
I love him.
The person I love most taken away.
Do you know how that feels , to have a love so good, so strong, never ending, that you never try and make stronger, never need to.
That was the love we had.
And it wasn't real. But it feels so magical and alive.
I hate myself.
I love him.
My lost boy. Forever.
