I focused fully on the blackness.
I used all my energy, just trying to back to him.
I opened my eyes immediately blinded by light I quickly shut them again.
I made a small movement and heard someone say. "She moved, she coming. Oh my god. Come on baby come on Liv you have to reach me come on."
I moved again. Someone took my hand.
I knew it wasn't Ash.
It wasn't warm.
Who was it?
"Come on you're so close."
I opened my eyes.
There was a big young man standing close by holding my hand, I was right it wasn't Ashton.
It was Josh.
"Oh you're okay I have been so worried, I'm so sorry Liv"
He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek before the doctor said he should go.
As he walked out I spotted something in his pocket.
A card?
"Wait Josh," I said croakily. "What is in your pocket."
He frowned. "Oh umm it's just a picture of Ashton. I brought it for you. I know you love him." he smiled weakly at me.
I smiled back.
"Thank you." I whispered as he left.
--------
The next few days were boring and event less.
I was still in hospital and had a bad burn on my face and multiple cuts and bruises but I was slowly getting better.
The boys and Josh had been coming in everyday all day they brought loads of people Mia was there and Emma, Georgia, Niall, Beatriz she brought HARRY STYLES the Harry Styles, I'm sorry how cool is that!
On my last day in hospital Josh and I were alone.
"I still have feelings for you, you know that right?" He asked sweetly.
"Yeah, and I kinda do to." I said looking into his chocolate brown eyes.
He leant in and kissed me.
But I couldn't stop thinking about Ashton, wasn't he here no one had said anything so maybe I was wrong.
"I have got to go now babe." He said kissing my forehead.
"Okay, bye." I smiled
"Bye."
And it was as he was walking out I saw it again, the picture.
"Josh, can I have that picture." I asked.
"What picture." he sounded worried.
"The one of Ashton, in your pocket." I pointed out.
"Oh that old thing." he said itching his neck.
"Yes. that old thing." I said half laughing.
He reached for it and very reluctantly it seemed, handed it to me. Then he left leaving me in silence starring at Ashton's beautiful face.
He was smiling, but the smile did not meet his eyes. I turned over.
There was writing.
His writing.
"Dear Liv by the time you read this I will have gone, left you again. Please stop the texting, get well soon.
Ashton."
What. He was here.
But what was that. I burst into tears, how dare he.
He said nothing about the last weeks he didn't even sound sad.
What the fuck, just read that, read that again.
I hate him so much, I hate how in love I am with him.
I tore up the stupid price of paper and ran my hands through my hair.
I will not cry for him anymore.
He doesn't deserve my tears. Just read that note again. How dare he.
Oh my life is a living hell.
I cried again I couldn't stop it it was not my fault.
Just read it, is that what you expect after not seeing someone you love for almost a year.
I cried harder, I couldn't help it.
He isn't my Lost boy anymore.
