I'm in a dark room ''vivan'' i hear my dad call for me ''dad'' i call back no answer i see a doorway thats open i enter it without thinking im back in my old home in Calarodo i turn to see my mom on the couch with the pastor from church moments later the door busts open and i see myself youngerself i see my face drop and see me yelling at my mom '' i knew it your such a slut'' younger me yelled ''vivian you take that back'' my mom said '' dad died a week ago and you're already under someone new''younger me yelled ''vivian june thats no way to speak to me '' my mother said ''jane was right your just a greedy whore'' my yougerself spat i watched my moms hand raise and come acrossed my cheek all of the sudden everything went black im in the old apartment in la i watch mason come in drunk and kiss me then sat and watched every memory of that apartment once again the room went black another door opend i enterd it thinking it was a way out once i steped foot everything came back colby and i our first intemicy my mom mason the stabing the shows me writeing it hit me like a train then it went black again a light flickerd theres chains hanging from the celing kats hanging sams hanging stas is hanging all of my friends are hanging by the chain all blody i hear mason chuckle behind me i slowly turn around to see colby hanging blody gashes in his chest i try to scream but nothing comes out i cover my mouth ''you did this'' masons voice said ''you did this to them vivian'' he said sudenly everyone chanted ''YOU DID THIS TO US YOU KILLED US" they all said ''stop it'' i said ''they continued to chant. i bolted up out of sleep heavy breathing Colby bolted up beside me i clawed at my chest trying to breathe My heart was racing. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I heard Colby's voice but I couldn't make out the words. I felt like my chest was caving in. I was terrified and felt like I was going to die. Colby wrapped his arms around me and held me ''it's okay you okay it was just a dream'' he softly said Colby's embrace brought me back to reality and I felt my heart rate slowly returning to normal. I took a few deep breaths and the tightness in my chest subsided. I looked up at Colby ''your alive your okay'' i asked franticly and wrapped my arms around his neck he rubbed my back sothingly. '' it was horrible colby'' i sobbed ''i know'' he said strokeing my hair as i sobbed ''shhh'' he whispered calming me down i eventually did and relaxed now just silent he was still rubbing my back as i was in his arms i stared off into the distance i sighed and left his arms getting up walking to the bathroom in my room looking at myself in the mirror my hair a mess tear stained cheeks i splashed my face with cold water calming down i turned the sink off and dried my face i walked back out to see colby asleep i stared at him for a moment before desiceing to go for a smoke outside i opend the belcony door and sat down watching the sun rise i rolled a blunt and lit it I took a deep breath, the smoke calming my nerves. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin. I was finally able to relax. about 15 mins later the belcony door opend and colby aperred i took a drag and exhaled putting the blunt out ''hey how long have you been out here'' he asked '' couldnt sleep'' i said stareing at the sun '' do you wanna talk about it'' he asked i nodded '' i was in a dark room and saw a dorway so naturaly i walked into the doorway i was back in my old house i see my mom with our pastour from church on the couch and i see my youngerself bust throught the door screaming and im watching it all in 3rd person when i called my mom a slut and a whore saying that my friends mom was right about it too and i see the anger in my mothers face just heat up till finally she slaped me then it went dark again then im in the old apartment here in la with him and replaying the night he came home drunk and forced himself on me it was only 30 mins last weekend but that night was 2 whole hours i watch myself fight and fight but there was no use he allways won then everything went dark again all of my memories with my friends with you our first time in bed and how amazing i felt i thought the bad memories faded away then sundently it stoped chains hung from the celing of the apartment sam, kat, jake , tara , dev,corey,stas everyone just hung i heard his chuckled the evil one not the one i used to love and i slowly just turn around and see you hanging above me gashes in your chest glass stuck in you i tryed to scream but nothing came out then you all started chanting all i remember is your voice you did this to me vivian you did'' i exsplaend he nodded and stayed quite ''im worried colby what if he hurts all of you guys'' i asked he grabed my hand ''hes not'' he said ''how do you know that through if hes capable of rapeing me in a very public place almost killing me whats stoping him'' i asked frantic he sighed '' i know how he is babe but hes not going to hurt you or us again'' he said ''how'' i asked ''i got a phone call yesterday from the investagtor i hired they caught him smugling drugs and he was aressted'' he said i sighed and put my head in my hands ''its over viv'' he said his arms came around me i huged him back '' thank you'' i said he just kissed my forehead I felt my body relax and a wave of relief washed over me. I knew that the nightmare was finally over and that I could start to heal. With colbys help, I was ready to move on from the trauma and start rebuilding my life .
