TW:
when we got back from the hike I got changed and fed Jillian I once I was finished my phone rang I answered it hello? Hey baby doll, how's your new life with Katrina? he asked a question and I didn't answer. I hung up my phone and sat down on the bed I sighed my breathing got heavy and I couldn't breathe I gasped for air I was having a panic attack I tried to take deep breaths, but my heart was racing. I tried to tell myself it was going to be ok, but my mind was spinning with thoughts. I got up to my nightstand and opened it and found my blades. I grabbed one and put it against my skin, feeling the cold metal against my warm flesh. I sat down on the ground, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let the pain take me away. Till I calmed down once I did I looked down at my wrist and gasped there had to be 15 to 20 lines I watched the red liquid slowly flow down my wrist and I knew I had done it again. I felt guilty and ashamed of what I had done I covered my mouth and threw the blade. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom to run cold water on my wrist. I looked in the mirror, tears streaming down my face. I felt the pain, a reminder of all the hurt I was feeling. I knew I had to get help, and soon. I held it there for a few minutes to slow down the bleeding. I put a bandage on my wrist, cleaned up the mess and threw away the tissue. I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down. Iwalked back to my bed and lay down. I took a few moments to collect my thoughts, and once I did I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I woke up the next morning.My wrists were bandaged. I got up and fed jillian then got the rubbing alcohol and unwrapped my wrists. A knock at the door came. I yelled and wrapped my wrist back up. I opened the door to Colby he asked me hey can we talk he asked i nodded and let him in he sat on the bed i was looking at the blade and the blood on the ground hoping he wouldn't notice i watched his eyes meet mine he saw them then he glanced back at me.He then looked away, avoiding my gaze. His voice shook as he asked me, "What happened here?" I could only look away and remain silent.He waited for a response but I couldn't bring myself to speak. He sighed and said, "It's ok, you don't have to talk about it." He then stood up, put his hand on my shoulder, and softly said, "I'm here if you need me." He gave me a small smile of reassurance what did you wanna talk about? i asked oh we can talk later its fine ill let you be he said i nodded his arms came around me i didn't hug back just stared down he pushed my hair behind my ear and glanced at me before he left the room. I watched him go, feeling relief. He gave me a safe space to process my emotions without feeling pressured to communicate. once he left i picked up the blade and put it back in the nightstand i sighed and pushed my rug on top of the blood I took a deep breath, feeling my heart rate start to slow. I wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes, allowing myself to process the emotions that had been overwhelming me. I was grateful for his understanding.
