Addicted | ✔

C h a p t e r T h i r t y- T h r e e

                                                              PART TWENTY THREE

                                   ❝The sad thing is, I actually thought you were different.❞

I flopped down next to Jack on the couch. Evie slept in our room in her bassinet. I grabbed for the TV remote and flicked it off. I reached for his hand but he drew it back. I glanced up at him but he averted his eyes. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up. He shrugged.

"I want my girlfriend back." He said.

"What the fuck's that supposed to mean?" I asked. He turned to face me. He leaned against the couch cushion and crossed his arms.

"I love our daughter, you know that. But I miss us, I get why we haven't had sex. But you've changed, I want the whore trash, bitchy, shit talking, alcoholic druggie girl I fell for back. What happened to her, where is she?" He asked, and for the first time I felt genuine anger.

"I can't be that girl anymore, I still smoke with you, we still live it up. But we have a child who needs us." I explained. He shook his head. 

"I didn't fall in love with the mother of our child, I fell in love with the old you." He said, getting up and walking into the kitchen. I followed him.  

"Jack. What do you want me to do?" I asked. Genuinely I wanted to know. He didn't turn to face me. I walked up behind him, pulling him to face me. 

"I want you to stop running for her every time she cries. I want you to put me first every fucking once in a while." He said towering over me. I stood taller. He pushed me back, lightly. My body went tense and I glanced toward our bedroom door.

"She's fucking asleep." He said wrapping a hand around my neck pressing me into the counter.

"It's like you don't even see yourself sometimes, she's all you fucking care about." He said, and he slapped me. My cheek burned. It was probably bleeding. I didn't move this time, I didn't grab for a knife or axe. I just sat there. While he continued on. I didn't wince when he continued strangling me. I heard Evie wake up. That's when I pushed back, shoving at him hard. 

"This is what I fucking meant, you run to her every single second." He said tightening his grip. I gasped for air. I punched him hard, in the stomach. He reeled backward and I ran from the kitchen. Scooping up my crying daughter. I held her against my chest. It was then that I realized I was shaking. 

"Hi sweetheart, it's okay I promise." I whispered to her. Because I needed to believe it myself. Jack was standing in the doorway. I held Evie closer to my chest letting her nurse. Jack's eyes were still full of rage. I watched Evie's eyes flutter shut. I set her down in her bassinet. Fuck. Jack moved over to me and I backed up.

"It's been six weeks." He said, it had been four. He shoved me onto our bed, tearing my shirt off. and pulling my bra down. I kicked at him. Even though I didn't tear, I was still hurting. It hurt to take a fucking piss. He yanked my jeans down to my thighs, I looked over at Evie. Not even a foot from us. Please stay asleep. I pleaded with God.  

It hurt more than I could describe. I fought myself to not scream. I looked up at Jack, who's face was stoic and he grunted with every painful thrust. I bit into his shoulder, which earned me another slap across the face. Tears welled in my eyes and I fought to stay silent. Five minutes later Jack shoved me away from him, I laid there, naked and cold. My whole body felt like it was on fire. Jack slammed the door behind him. I buried my face in the pillow and cried. Cried because I couldn't do anything right. I knew, there was going to be no apology there was just going to be silence and me pretending it was okay when it wasn't. 

I felt my body slip into a fitful doze. I pulled a blanket over my body to shield myself from the cold reality of what just happened. I shuddered, and my daughter woke up. I rolled to face her, wrapping both my hands around her tiny fingers. 

"First man who even touches you, stab a fucking finger in his eye and gouge it out." I say to her. Because I hoped, at least my daughter would be stronger than I was. But she'd always have me to run too. I had nobody. I was completley alone.