Addicted | ✔

C h a p t e r S i x t y - T w o

                                                                    PART SIXTY TWO

                                                                 ❝I did my best.❞

I wondered, how I would be talked about in the future. I wondered if Evie would tell her friends her mom was a junkie, how long I could hide it from her, until she realized her little friend's parents didn't act like this. She was barely a year old, and I still worried about my own daughter's opinion of me. But I also wondered, what I would do if she came home drunk, or high on anything stronger than weed. Would I be mad? Would I have a reason to be mad? Would I send her away two different times? No. Because she was my baby, Summer had once said her job was to keep her baby safe. The one thing I did agree with her on was that, it was my job to make sure my daughter was safe and alright. 

Over time, my anger toward Summer had grown. It was like I blamed her for me, sleeping with my dealer, being abused, and just generally feeling like shit. However, she would call child services on me in the blink of an eye if she found out I was using again, I would be dead and buried six feet under before I let that happen. I wondered if I was ever going to talk to her again.

 I had not, thought about her for a long time, the once daily struggle of not calling her up had vanished, and was only replaced with anger. I was a child, I did not need to be strong and fight "the addiction demons" I needed to be protected and I thought she would have done that too. Maybe, that explained why I sunk my claws so deep into Jack. So that for once, someone did not leave me. 

My daughter's screaming snapped me out of my haze of memories and how to get revenge plans. I sighed, picking up her not so tiny body from her crib. I missed our apartment, and the ambiance of it. To be fair, of course it had bad memories but what apartment didn't? What place i had been didn't?

"What can I do for you sweetheart?" I cooed, bouncing her against my hip. I had read online, that starting at six months babies were supposed to be eating solids. She was behind, already. We did not, have the money for a high chair, so it was in time's like this I was grateful we had bought one. I remembered that time, when I had been so thrilled to give birth to a daughter. There was, a niche to having babies. You see the Pinterest and Instagram photos of little girls holding flowers and being posed for photoshoots. Just being cute. 

What they do not show, however is how draining, and life altering having a child is. The realization that you are tied to this creation for eighteen years, minimum. I stood, holding Evie and walking to the closet. Where we had tossed every little thing we didn't have the space for here. The highchair, already mostly assembled was not rocket science.

"Alright darling, bananas?" I asked, as we did not have much other than a bag of Ruffles chips, two empty bottles of whiskey and two almost bad bananas. She cooed happily, looking at me and waving her hands. I stood, for a abnormally long time staring at the peeled banana's in front of me. I turned to my child.

"You have a few teeth, do I just give this to you?" I asked her, waving the banana. I could've sworn she grinned at me. I took a spoon mashing up the banana, I suppose to be safe. I spooned them all into a small bowl and walked over to my child kneeling in front of him. She babbled and pushed the spoon away. 

"Okay Evelyn Mae Thomas, please eat the damn banana, just try it so I don't feel like such a failure of a mother okay?" I asked pushing the spoon toward her mouth, I swirled it around and she followed the spoon into her mouth. I watched her little lips close over it and take the banana off of it. I took the spoon back and she smiled mashing the banana in her mouth. 

"Good job kiddo." I muttered, The door opened behind me. I turned to it, Jack strode into the room.
"Some hoe paid me in fucking quarters.?" He griped, stopping short beside me. 

"Holy shit she's eating solids?" He whispered. I nodded smiling, Jack shook his head, taking off his coat.

"Next thing you know she'll be asking if a blowjob is physically blowing on it." I said, spooning her more food. Jack snorted.

"Is this a question you asked?" He asked, also taking off his shirt. I turned to him whistling a little bit. He rolled his eyes. 

"Yes it is." I replied and he proceeded to laugh more. 

"That's concerning." He said striding to the bathroom.

I nodded, and Jack ran a hand through my hair. He laughed. As the pipes turned on in the wall, and I heard Jack cursing, clearly the water was not working, or just cold as hell. It would be a very short shower. I scooped Evie from the high chair.

"Alright my love, it's time for nap time alright?" I asked, staring at the clock on the wall. It was three o'clock, I had work at four, Jack had mornings to fuck around and I had nights. Except we both just worked the entire time, than came home to our daughter to switch shifts. It was odd, co- parenting and living together. I was half sure, If Jack simply walked into the lobby hard, the reception woman would discount our rent. Like Red's, but opposites. I placed Evie back in her crib, still at eight months she slept a lot. She slept more than she was awake. Jack emerged, from the bathroom a towel wrapped around his slim waist. I whistled again.