❝And she did the drugs for fun
But now she does them just to stay up❞
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I'm a half smoked cigarettes girl, a tiny tops and eye glitter girl, a quick and cheap girl. The female version of a playboy. Sexy, sweet, sour, anyth...
❝I don't know where to go, and I came here all alone❞
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Leo had the title of Fall Guy, in my book. When I showed up at his house, my legs were shaking my face was bloody and swollen and my shoulder had soaked my entire shirt sleeve with blood. The look In Leo's eyes when I showed up on his front porch, holding a screaming baby and with tears staining my face was heart shattering. He exhaled sharply.
"What the fuck happened Kaitlyn." He asked, more so stated. I set Evie down on his couch and sank into it.
"My husband happened." I replied. He grabbed a bottle of peroxide and bandages. I winced in pain as he cleaned my face. He gestured to my daughter, who I had picked up protectively and held her in my arms.
"Evelyn Mae Thomas." I said, feeling my voice catch in my throat.
"She's beautiful, just like her momma." Leo said as Evie closed her hand around his pinky. I gave a soft smile.
"I don't feel very beautiful right now." I said and Leo nodded.
"You don't just look fucked up, you look like you've been through a world war." He said wrapping gauze around my shoulder. I nodded in response, there was not much I could say at the end of the day. Because at the end of the day, I had no idea what to do. My eyes were stinging. Leo came to sit next to me. I crumpled into his arms, the universal sign of my body giving up. I sobbed. Leo wrapped his arms tightly around me, I cried, for what felt like hours. Because I had no idea what to do, I didn't even have diapers or extra clothes for my child. I was laying with my head in Leo's lap, with Evie on my chest.
She was looking at me, as if her eyes were asking me "what's wrong mama?" I wish I could tell her. I wanted to tell her that I didn't know what was wrong, did I really bother Jack that much? Was I seriously that bad of a wife and a mother. I did not know, what he would've done if I'd left Evie with him. Let her scream all night, not change her, not feed her. I was not sure. I smelled a decently foul smell, she needed a new diaper, I had none. I turned in Leo's arms.
"Do you mind, if I take your car? I need to get her a new onesie and diapers and wipes and food." I asked. As if he had not already done enough for me. He nodded, reaching into his pocket for his car keys. It was then I realized, I also didn't have a car seat for my child. I turned again to Leo.
"Will you watch her while I'm gone, she won't do anything but lay here." I said, my voice pleading. He nodded.
"Of course."
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I bathed my daughter, changed her, fed her, and swaddled her small body. I laid her in Leo's guest room in a bunch of pillows. I returned to the living room where Leo sat, twiddling his thumbs. I raised an eyebrow as I came to sit next to him.
"What's up?" I asked him and he snorted.
"What's up, is you. Kaitlyn even after everything, I still love you with every bone in my body. It kills me, seeing you like this. You deserve better."
I nod silently, letting my gaze meet his. Maybe it was because I was hurting, maybe it was because I felt so worthless I could hardly care about anything anymore. But I kissed him, it was desperate and pleading. His lips felt warm, comfortable, and inviting. I twisted my body so it was on top of his. He pushed against my chest a little bit.
"Katie, I- I don't think we should do this." He said. I looked down at him.
"I mean, you know I want too just with everything going on- I don't want to take advantage of you, right now." He said. I kissed him again, this time he kissed back, ths time his mouth was more desperate and wanting than mine. I felt his hands press his hands against my tits. Always had been a winning feature. I fumbled his belt undone and he sucked in air as I ran my hand over his dick. He flipped me, on my back so he was on top of me.. Sliding two fingers past my underwear and inside me I involuntarily moaned. He smirked, going faster with his fingers.
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The sex we'd had, was nothing like I figured it would be. It was needy, wanting and passionate. Like I was trying to keep myself tied too something. Because I felt as numb and frail as paper in the wind. Laying next to Leo on the couch I felt more tears stinging in my eyes. The house was silent, the air even felt insulting. As if it was mocking me for even being here. Having sex with a man who was not my husband. Taking my daughter from her father because I was scared.
"I don-t" I started to speak, Leo shushed me.
"Don't speak, just just breathe for a moment." He whispered. So I did. I reflected upon my life choices, the child I was too young to raise, the husband I wanted nothing more than to love, the man I had just slept with because I was in fact not a good person. I had always thought that, that I wasn't a good person. But I never truly believed it until now, until I was laying next to my ex boyfriend, letting my daughter sleep in a room that wasn't hers. I remembered something Summer had told me once:
"When shit gets hard you cut and run." She'd said, the night that I found out I had to go home. As much as I hated her at the moment, I could've used a hug from her. Because even laying so close to someone I still loved, I had never felt so alone.
