Addicted | ✔

C h a p t e r T w e n t y

                                                                          PART TWENTY

                                                     ❝Watching my youth slip away.❞

I didn't know I was pregnant. Until I couldn't button my jeans. It was then, standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom. That I noticed the change in my stomach, it looked swollen, I could say the same for my tits. Which were almost a whole different cup size. Jack wasn't home, but he'd left the truck. I drove, in complete silence too CVS. Where I made the dreaded walk down isle three. 

SIX DAYS SOONER
99% ACCURATE 

The signs on the boxes screamed at me. I took two boxes. Better safe than sorry. Or maybe it was too late to be saying that. As I checked out the cashier, an older man didn't say anything. Which was good, he could judge all he wanted but that wouldn't change anything. Driving home, I could hear my heartbeat. I'd barely shut the engine off when I burst inside, running to the bathroom. 

Now, two lines of coke was always a good thing. However, watching the two lines appear on the test. Broke my heart. A piece of me died right than and there. Staring at the all too bold pink lines. My mind started racing. I didn't even know who the father was. Maybe it was Wyatt's, it could've been Leo's. Or maybe, it was Jack's from two weeks ago when he'd forced himself on me. My mind was spinning and my heart was racing. I looked at the test in my hands. 

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK." I shouted at the wall. I'd wanted to be a mother, with every bone in my body I wanted to be a mom. But not right now. I didn't want to raise a baby, not here. Not around the drugs. Not with Jack. A bipolar drug dealer who'd hurt me, who's to say he wouldn't hurt the baby. Who knows if he'd split on me, or if he'd be here physically but mentally with another girl. He had the same history as me, he'd gotten around. Who's to say he didn't already have a kid he walked out on.

The door slammed. 

"Kaitlyn?" 

I pulled up my pants and shoved the stick in my back pocket. I rushed out of the bathroom and into Jack's arms. He hugged me tight. 

"Hi how was your day?" he asked, wiggling out of my arms. I almost screeched at that. How was my day? My day fell apart.

"It was.. we need to talk." I said leading him to the couch. "Your gonna want to sit down for this one.

"Oh is it going to be that good?" He said, placing his hand on his  belt. I took his hand. 

"No it's.." I took the test out of my pocket. Handing it to him his eyes went wide. I watched his face.

"Your pregnant?" He said, not looking at my face. I nodded, this isn't how I'd expected I'd announce it to him. I took his hand in mine.

"I don't know if its yours Jack. You know me, we only started dating two weeks ago." I scanned the room looking at the windows and doors. If he lost his shit I'd run. If he hurt me, he'd hurt my baby.

"I know." 

We sat there for a few minutes. In complete silence, with my head in my hands. 

"What are we gonna do?" He asked. His use of the word we, threw me off. As if he was going to step up and be a father. Or sit with me in the abortion clinic. Because I didn't want this kid. I didn't want to be tied down by a kid for the rest of my life. As much as the situation fucked me over, I knew I would split on this baby if it was ever born.

"we?" 

"Yeah what are we going to do Kaitlyn?" He asked, with more force in his voice. I stared at him, trying to see past what he was saying and devise what he was actually meaning. 

"I don't know. But I'm thinkin, maybe we're gonna have this kid." I said, looking at my stomach.

"I guess we'll see who's it is when he's born." 

"He?" 

Jack smiled.
"yeah, I want it to be a little punk with my eyes and your sweet smile." He said, handing me back the test.

"What if it's a girl?"

He smiled again, he hadn't stopped smiling actually. Was this actually a good thing? Was it going to happen?

"Then she'll have your eyes and my hair." He said. It was fun to think about. Because I was praying it was Jack's. glancing around the room I realized something, I'd thought about it earlier too. 

"I don't know if you noticed, but we don't exactly live in the most baby friendly house, or neighborhood." I said, gesturing around the room, and to the cupboard where Jack kept all of the drugs. He rolled his eyes.

"So we move. We get an apartment, we get married." He said, as if it was no big deal.

"Marriage?" I repeated. We'd just started dating. I wouldn't marry him.

"Sure why not?" I shook my head pretending to shake it off. Jack took my face in his hands.

"We're gonna figure it out, okay baby?" He kissed me and I nodded. 

"I don't know if I want the baby." I said, in barely more than a whisper. He took his hands off my face.  His face changed.

"Why's that?" 

"Because I'm afraid I'm not going to be a good mom. I mean look at me, I'm a drug addict." I said, that was the first time I'd even admitted it to myself. I was a drug addict. I couldn't stop for nine months.

"So get clean."

I laughed. As if my own dealer wasn't telling me to get clean. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Funny."

"I'm serious, go to a meeting. Go to rehab we'll figure it out. Whatever we decide to do, I'm going to be here for you. I'm not going to walk out on my kid."

"What if it's not yours." I asked. He shrugged.

"Then I'll tell it it's mine, we'll go to the doctor see how far along you are and then go from there okay?" He asked. I nodded. Maybe we'd make it work. Or we'd die trying.