Addicted | ✔

C h a p t e r T h i r t y - S e v e n

                                                                     PART THIRTY SEVEN

                                                                  ❝When it rains, it pours.❞

I through myself into work, and projects around the house. Jack, through himself into shooting heroin on the daily. By definition, on google drug addiction means:  "Excessive use of psychoactive drugs, such as alcohol, pain medications, or illegal drugs. It can lead to physical, social, or emotional harm." 

Google was right, but I couldn't tell if it was defining me, or Jack or both of us. I knew I could quit at any time. I fucked around with pills, I was a drunk, and maybe even a junkie, I always took different things each day so it couldn't have been all too bad. I also through myself into becoming the best mother I could be, I knew my daughter didn't remember screaming for me and me not coming. At least, I hope she did. I didn't want that to be a lasting memory, that she cried for her mother and her mother never came. I was having a decent amount of trouble putting her down. I didn't want to set her down. So I strapped her to my chest in a carrier all day while I worked. I deep cleaned everything, I did laundry, I kept busy. I kept busy, so I didn't have to think about Jack. Who hadn't said more than 14 words to me in the past week. The only thing we agreed on, was our child. 

The door slammed. I whirled to face Jack. He was smiling. That was no less strange than the bag he had in his hand. I raised an eyebrow. He'd clearly been shopping. We weren't flush for cash, my card hadn't even gone through for groceries yesterday. 

"Hi beautiful." He said, gesturing to Evie. That hurt my heart a bit, I watched as he kissed her head. This was the closest he'd gotten to me in days. I knew he was sleeping at his old place on an air mattress. I pulled her out of the carrier and handed her to him. She cooed at him, and he smiled. He handed the bag to me, I gave him a quizical look. I wondered if this was an apology gift. It wasn't a big bag, it was roughly the size of a small book. I stared at the bag, and then at him. I pulled the tissue paper aside, to reveal a small white box. Opening it, there lay a white pearl necklace. I looked at Jack who was smiling and bouncing Evie up and down.

"It's beautiful." I say, clasping it around my neck. I hugged him gently, as to not crush our daughter. He grinned, that fucking grin that I loved.

"So are you." He said placing Evie on the couch and taking my hands in his. 

"Kaitlyn, I love you. I love everything about you, and I love our daughter. Forever and always I'll love the both both of you. Your beautiful, your smile could light up this whole town. And I'm sorry, I've treated you like shit. I've hurt you and I understand if you can't ever trust me again. But I'm really going to try, to be a better father, and a better boyfriend. If only you'll let me." He says, and I feel a tear run down my face. This is what I'd wanted to hear. I wanted him to be better. And now he was going to be. 

"I love you too Jack." I say, pressing my lips against his and leaning my body into his. I curl my head into his shoulder. I feel the tears still rolling down my face. He strokes my hair. For a moment, our bodies feel fused together. For a moment, everything was perfect. I had a beautiful daughter, a brilliant boyfriend, and a place to live. I had everything for a minute. 

I pull away from him and he runs his hand over the necklace.

"It looks good on you." He says, I don't know why I said what I said next.

"I know something else that would look good on me." I said softly. His eyes traveled to Evie, still awake and looking at us. She reached her arms out to me, her sign for wanting to be picked up. 

"What about her?" He asks. The first step to being a good dad apparently. I scoop her into my arms, and she yawns slightly. I sit down to nurse her. 

"Let her eat, she'll be out like a light." I say watching her eyes flicker shut. As predicted. I lay her down in the pack-n play in the living room. 

The one thing we're good at, other than royally fucking up our relashionship. Is sex, because when you take two people who've been around the block more than a few dozen times, you get killer sex. 

Seven minutes after we laid down, he flips me off of him breathing hard. I reach across the sheets for his hand. He pulls me into him. His heartbeat's high, and I smile

"We're gods." He says and I roll my eyes. Glancing at the clock,

"Seven minutes isn't exactly God's." I say and he shrugs.

"Prove ya wrong." He says crawling back on top of me.