Whispers of Hope ✓

CHAPTER 35

ISHITA'S POV

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital mom? You look so thin now—I'm sorry."

Mom slowly held my hand as she weakly smiles at me. I felt so guilty looking at how sick mom suddenly was. I was indulged with my own pain and worries not knowing that mom was also as much as pained as me or maybe ever worse.

"Don't be sorry. I'm just glad you're not too sick now. Don't let yourself get sick okay. I will smack Joshua for doing this to you and making you wait. Just you wait when I get well."

Mom says trying to hype herself and we all just smiled at her. I didn't know what to say as I was stunned the other day when I went to check on her only to see her on the bed lying sick. Ate Rosa told me, she suddenly fainted the other day. Ate Rosa even told me she called for the ambulance but mom just wouldn't let her call coz it was just a simple headache according to her. We were all worried especially Layad.

"Mom, I will have to go to Joshua—I can keep waiting for him but I can't keep watching you get sick like this because of him."

I sternly said as mom just smiled at me weakly before dozing off to sleep. I gave her a peck and told Ate Rosa to look for both mom and Layad for now and told her I'd go look for Joshua in his office.

Upon catching a cab outside, I dialed Joshua's mobile again but no one is answering. I called his P.A next.

"Is Joshua in?"

"I'm sorry ma'am but he is out of the office for a private meeting—"

"Don't give me shit and tell me where exactly he is."

There was a moment of silence on the other line as I waited til my last bit of patience ran out completely. Before I could bark on his P.A,

"He is currently in his penthouse Mrs. Isabella."

"Penthouse?"

Confused, I asked back and he only said yes and gave me the address before ending the call. I was even confused to know he is in a certain penthouse. Was he staying there for all the night he has not come home? He could've told us for us not to worry where the hell he could've been staying at. I told the driver the address and upon arriving at the place, I was yet again left confused. It's a different penthouse than the penthouse I heard from him before. Though he told me he owned many more penthouse around the city, I was still left wondering why he'd just leave us wondering when he could just tell us he was staying at one of his penthouse.

I dialed his number again but to no avail, I was left unanswered. I then strode inside the big building and it took me ten minutes transacting on the reception. They told me they can't provide me information of their clients but I sternly told them I was the wife of one of their clients and at the least they let told me Joshua's room.

My heart was so heavy and my mind was full of worries and any possible things my mind could imagine. I'm a woman and still his wife no matter what his reasons for doing this, I'm still his wife as far I could brag with, right? I'm not so ready to face him yet after how he sternly pushed me away the last time we saw each one and I couldn't help my eyes from tearing as I tried hard stopping myself from reacting to any of my emotions surging in me.

Upon arriving on the 31st floor, I strode to that certain room I was told to go and there I stood by the door not knowing what to do. What would I tell him when he opens this door? Should I confront him heads-on? Should I cry out my worries and blame him for the pain I'm feeling? Should I tell him about mom's condition? My mind was so colluded with confusion as I mustered all the least bit of courage I had in me to press the bell band as I was to press the bell, I notice the door was open. it's not fully open but it seemed like Joshua didn't give enough force for the door to be left opened with a small opening. And the curios me, I just went on and opened the door silently. I didn't know why all of a sudden I had the feeling that I should be quite and do things slowly and not to make noise. I didn't know why I suddenly felt cautious. Upon entering the penthouse, I was welcomed with a wide entrance and there was nothing, not a single noise I heard.

"Joshua?"

I called softly as I strode and entered silently.

"Joshua are you here?"

I once again called and walked to the entrance when no one answered and I was only stopped when I saw Joshua's shoes on the little single stair about the entrance. But it wasn't Joshua's shoes that has gotten my attention but the red pair of heels next to it. I tilted my head in complete confusion. Joshua knows I don't wear heels so it can't be that it's a gift for me and even if it's a gift, why would he put it just beside his shoes and not on a box?

I walked past the shoes and entered. My feet just moved on its own accord and I didn't know what this weird feeling on my inside is. It just suddenly surged on me and it's urging my body to move and just go look for Joshua this instance; what's this?

Both his P.A and his secretary are male and he's never affectionate nor have shown interest to his female employees, that I'm sure and he showed me how he is only interested to certain women in his life.

I—no, it's not what I think it is....right? He can't be—I mean why would he? He's not that kind.....of person, right?

My mind was just completely in fuzzy and I couldn't think straight, not with this hard heats on my chest and it's beating harder with every step I take as I now hear a blur of voices from afar. I followed suit to where the voice was coming from and as I walk closer and closer; I could only assure that's it's Joshua's voice. Who's he talking with? I can't hear any more voice other than Joshua's so who is he talking with? And as I drew closer to where Joshua's voice was coming from, I froze completely on my tracks with what I heard him say—

"I will have to divorce Ish."

I went completely blank. All the guts, the emotions, the heavy feeling; everything just disappeared as I felt my body literally froze on the spot. I couldn't be more wrong that it was Joshua's voice and he was the one who spoke of...divorcing—me?

I couldn't just get myself to believe whatever I heard and my mind was not even trying to think of whatever that means. Did I just hear the word divorce? Or my ears just gotten ill from all the pain? I—what the hell am I to do now? And with one less urge, I pushed myself to step and try to reveal myself to Joshua but upon sighting Joshua on the couch by the wide glass window, my last bit of everything I had crumble; drastically as I watched Joshua sitting there.....

...holding another woman in his arms.

With the last bit of my strength, I ran outside the penthouse not caring at all if they heard my footsteps or if I'd stumble things on my out. My mind, my heart just told to run and get out of there. My wholeness was just filled with nothing but a familiar thing, and it's eating slowly; and it might drag and lock me down, yet again—painful darkness.

I didn't know where my feet got me into. I just was sure I was running myself out of the place not caring at all with whom and what I stumble into as my body moved on its own accord. And I was just letting myself flee and do what it wants as I was complete held captive by what my body seems to be all familiar with—darkness.

Darkness yet again comes gushing on in me as I couldn't even do anything but to feel my insides crumble. I was slowly taken back to where I used to be; to where I was locked and the chains, I felt the chains are now slowly coming back on me locking me yet again deep down to unsightly dark world. I didn't know if it's the pain that got me numbed or this darkness and pain was just too familiar for me not to feel anything anymore. I couldn't feel anything. I wanted to bawl myself out but nothing's happening; I can't. I don't know anymore. I don't think I can hold out any more longer than this....please.....someone... help me.

I—I don't—I can't go back to that fucking pit of darkness again! I just—jus please....help me, I can never think of what my life could be if I go back in that dark world again!! Please....

....please.