here we are, again | billie eilish

5 | paranoia

billie's pov -

do i feel bad for what i said? idk. i was just saying how i felt. but i didn't mean to say all of that tbh. i know i hurt her and for that, i feel terrible.

it's like i just unraveled right there in front of her.

i walked to the front of the house and got in my car that i have out here and backed out of the driveway.

i know leilani. i know where she went.

after a couple minutes, i pulled up to the beach.

the one where her and i met.

i parked my car right next to hers and got out. i started walking down the sand, looking for her. and i could see her laying in a chair under one of those big umbrellas.

she was just watching the water, like i was.

i bet she's talking to kaia, just like i was.

i walked up to the tiki bar and sat down, letting out a sigh.

"hey billie," riley smiled as she came up to me.

"hey rhy," i grinned.

"leilei's down there," she pointed.

"i know," i nodded. "im gonna go sit with her. but first let me get two sunrise sunset smoothies."

"still know her favorites huh?" rhy smirked as she went to go make them.

"she's my wife," i shrugged. "how could i not?"

riley gave me the smoothies and i started digging in my pockets for my wallet.

"billie," she gave me a rbf.

"what?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

"when was the last time i charged you for something here?" she squinted. "go."

i smiled at her, took the drinks and walked down the beach front.

where lani was, there were two reclined chairs under an umbrella with a mini table in between. so i walked up from behind and set the two drinks on the table before sitting in the chair next to her.

she looked at the drinks in confusion and then up at me. she just sighed and looked straight ahead again.

"we don't have to say anything right now," i started. "we can continue to people watch. but whenever you're ready, i am too."

lani looked at me just nodded before laying her head back on the chair and closing her eyes.. and i did the same.

-

after an hour of chilling in silence on the beach, lani and i came back home in our separate cars. as we walked in, margie looked relieved.

"oh my god," she said. "y'all could at least text me back so i know you're okay after a situation like that."

"yes ma'am," we both said.

"okay well i'm gonna go," marg said. "i love you assholes," she said before walking out.

"so," i started. "um."

"why didn't you ever tell me?" lani cut me off.

"huh?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

"you never told me that you felt that way," she said. "clearly you feel like i've done nothing for you."

"that's not what i said lani-"

"that's how it came off though billie," she sighed. "you literally helped me live again. all of that pressure was on you."

"but a lot of those times you couldn't control," i shrugged, reasoning with her.