here we are, again | billie eilish

12 | lo and behold

"who is this about?" i asked billie as she stood in the doorway in her bath towel.

she squinted. "why are you even-" then she paused for a second and sighed. she didn't even have the energy to fuss. "which page? what does it say?" she rubbed her temple as she walked to me.

i just handed her the book and she glared at me while she grabbed it. she read what was written down and sighed again.

"it's about you," she mumbled.

"huh?" i rose my eyebrows.

"you. it's about you!" she slightly exclaimed as she tossed the book at me. "keep reading and dissect the whole thing why don't you," she said with an attitude as she walked into her walk- in closet and shut the door.

i sighed deeply.

about 5 minutes later, she walked out of the closet dressed in an oversized tshirt. she walked over to the bed and looked at the tv, noticing that boss baby was playing.

she then tilted her head at me, making me chuckle.

"well," i shrugged. "you said no despicable me."

billie sighed and shook her head, cracking a smile at my childishness as she sat on the bed, crossing her legs.

"i'm sorry," i looked down. "i shouldn't have looked through your personal things. you have every right to be mad."

she just shrugged. "don't apologize. you knew you were wrong when you picked that shit up off the ground," she chuckled.

i cracked a grin, happy that we're not sitting here lashing out at each other. somehow, addressing a situation with laughter.

she sighed. "go ahead and ask me questions. i know that's not the only thing you saw if you were looking in there the whole time i was in the bathroom."

"um," i now got nervous. "so this is about me for real?" i pointed to that specific page.

"yeah," billie nodded.

"lemme hear it," i handed her the book.

"huh?" she furrowed her eyebrows.

"sing it for me," i said. "i wanna hear it."

"um," she paused. "okay," she started to get up from the bed.

"where you going?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

"to the piano," she said. "cmon," she held out her hand for me to grab so i could follow her.

we walked to another room where her piano was and we both sat at it. she sighed before beginning.

"I must give the impression
That I have the answers for everything
You were so disappointed
To see me unravel so easily
It's only change, it's only everything I know
It's only change, and I'm only changing."

i looked at her, having my lip slightly poked out. "you wrote that after we had that big argument back in hawaii huh?"

she just nodded. "i knew you were disappointed to see me spill out on you like that. it's just that we had been with each other every day for years, i just wasn't ready for that to change."

"oh baby," i caressed her cheek with me thumb.

"yeah but i don't plan on releasing this," she shook her head. "it was just a quick diary moment that i needed."