here we are, again | billie eilish

20 | you want what you can't have

"she wants a cheesecake," billie told the waiter.

"um no i dont," i looked at her. "im good, thank you," i told the waiter.

the waiter then looked at billie and billie gave him a look, basically telling him to still bring me a cheesecake.

he did a nod and walked away.

i tilted my head. "b."

"lani we're on vacation," she told me. "it's literally our anniversary, you can have one slice of cheesecake. it's your favorite."

"i know but i can't," i shook my head. "mr. marino would fuss-"

"oh my god lani," billie chuckled. "fuck him, he can't stop you from doing anything."

"you know the diet they put us on b," i shrugged.

"one slice of cheesecake is not gonna make you put on weight babygirl," she said to me, grabbing my hands.

"that's not what he said-"

"leilani rose," b said kind of sternly. "why are you acting like you're afraid of him?"

"im not," i told her. "i just don't wanna get in trouble."

"okay lani," she sighed, letting go of my hands, and finally leaving it alone.

i get that she just wants me to enjoy my food without trying to worry about work but it's kind of hard when mr. marino is constantly on my dick about keeping my figure.

i really don't like him anymore, but we'll talk about that later.

"it'd be different if we didn't go back tomorrow," i explained to b. "if i eat it, i'll still be bloated and they'll be able to tell."

"how?" billie furrowed her eyebrows. "what, do they get you in underwear and thoroughly check your body or something?" she joked.

"once a week yeah," i said with a sigh.

"wait for real? like actually for real?" her eyes got slightly wide.

"mhm," i nodded, continuing to eat my salad.

"who-" she paused. "who checks them?"

"uh," i said lowly as i looked down.

"it's- it's marino isn't it?" b asked, wanting to be wrong.

i scratched behind my neck. "uh yeah."

"are you joking?" she looked at me with concern. like she really didn't want it to be true.

"no," i said lowly, looking at my plate to avoid eye contact.

"lani- okay wait," she set her fork down. "i have a question and i really need you to think on this one."

"no."

"huh?" she furrowed her eyebrows.

"the answer to your question," i started. "is no."

she just looked at me, kinda confused.

"you were gonna ask me if he's really gay like he acts? the answer is no," i said calmly and nonchalantly.

billie now looked hella concerned. "h- how do you know that?"

i sighed. "sometimes when we do the body checks, he'll 'accidentally' touch me somewhere."

i could see billie's body instantly tense up.

"he's never told me that he wasn't gay but it's so clear," i started. "he knows i know. he doesn't try to hide it anymore."