here we are, again | billie eilish

16 | i really do

billie's pov -

it's some weeks later and we're headed to new york for the next show on tour.

lani and i have honestly been kinda rocky. she saw the paparazzi photos of hasson and i and that really sent her on a rampage.

and honestly, i didn't argue back. she had every right to be upset with me. i get it.

but we've been talking since then, it's just not in depth how we usually are.

it's like she's not mad at me anymore but i can see that she's still holding on to it so it's kinda affecting our communication to one another. but hopefully seeing each other in person will help us get that connection back. at least that's what my mom keeps telling me.

but tbh lani hasn't even said anything about coming to watch my show while im here. which i don't get cause she's always excited to come watch me.

plus i've been saying how excited i am to watch her walk the runway. but every time i do, she just looks at me weird.

i don't know.

"this is such a cute hotel," zoe smiled as she looked around.

"yeah," i set my stuff down. "it really is."

"why do you look so down?" she squinted.

"i don't know," i shook my head.

"you just wanna go to lani's apartment and stay with her," she chuckled.

"i doooo," i admitted. "but we need to talk first."

"very true," zoe agreed. "maybe you guys can after your show tonight."

"well im hoping she comes to the hotel to see me before the damn show," i said. "cause we're all gonna be tired after."

then my phone rang.

"hey marg," i answered. "what's up?"

"hey i was just calling to see if you planned on seeing lani today or tomorrow," she said.

"wait what do you mean?" i furrowed my eyebrows. "why wouldn't i see her today?"

"oh it's fine if you do," she said. "i just know it's a really busy day for you both so i didn't know if y'all's schedules would align."

"busy day for us both?" i asked.

"um," she paused. "you both have shows today."

"wait what?" i kinda rose my voice. "i thought her show was tomorrow."

"no b," marg said. "her show is tonight, just like yours."

"oh my god that's why she never talked about coming to my show??"

"yes slow bird," she started. "she's not able to because she'll be getting ready for hers."

oh im a dumbass.

that's why every time i said id come watch her, she looked at me like i was just joking or something.

"well fuck," i rolled my eyes. "i need to see her like now then."

"you can do that?" margie asked.

"no," zoe chimed in. "you have sound check in one hour and then you have to go over everything else to make sure the people have all the lights and stuff right for tonight."

i groaned.

"just wait til tomorrow billie," margie said. "it'll be fine. i don't think she's expecting you til then anyway."

"no no no!" i said. "im gonna see my baby today, i don't care."

-

"billie what?" my mom looked at me like i was insane.