Draconic Sphere Ω

Chapter 13: Eggplant Is Just The Wrong Way Of Saying Aubergine

"Four hot bunnies, please," said Lacrie.

Brunhild's misgivings about the Aqua Profunda 'hot bunny' were not immediately assuaged when the stall vendor handed her what looked like a hot dog covered in a heap of shredded lettuce. Despite her best efforts, some of the lettuce fell off as she tried to manoeuvre the thing into her mouth.

Brunhild took a bite. Her expression slowly changed. The hot bunny was smoky and tender and, best of all, dripping with mayonnaise; it took her a moment to realise that the so-called 'bunny' in this arrangement was a slim barbecued aubergine.

"Is this eggplant?" asked Kaergat.

"No, it's aubergine," said Dandelion, applying heaps of hot sauce to hers.

"What's the difference?" asked Kaergat.

"One is a plant made of eggs. The other is a female youth hostel," said Dandelion, giggling to herself.

"Huh?"

"Sorry, I'm really high right now. I mean that eggplant is just the wrong way of saying aubergine," said Dandelion, through a mouthful of said vegetable.

"Brunhild!" called someone in the crowd. "Grußi, Brunhild!"

"Oh shit!" hissed Brunhild, pulling up the hood on her cloak and looking in the other direction.

"Hi! Are you Brunhild's friends? Want a hot bunny?" asked Dandelion.

"Dandelionnn," groaned Brunhild. She plastered a smile on her face and turned around. "Ah, Second Uncle Leonhard, Second Aunt Gertrud, so nice to see you!"

"Ah du Gute, Brunhild, du bist so schön aufgewachsen!"

"Can you... can you speak Normal?"

"Ah ve don't speak so gut de Normal tongue," said Gertrud. "Brunhild, you have friends with, yes? This is gut! Are you going to represent de, uh... family business in de Turnier?"

"I, uh... I have to, like... not... be here..." said Brunhild. "Bye Second Aunt, Second Uncle!"

"Brunhild, wo gehst du hin?!"

It took a few minutes of ducking and weaving through the crowd before Brunhild was satisfied that they had bucked off her relatives. She stopped to catch her breath. Dandelion waved to Kaergat and Lacrie, who had lost them for a moment.

"Brunhild, that was very rude!" admonished Kaergat, still panting, as he arrived. "There are traditional ways to speak to your Second Aunt and Uncle! You didn't even bow!"

"Listen, Tiefenschürfer, I didn't come to Aqua Profunda just so I could keep on living like some stuffy mine dwarf! I wanna actually live for once!"

"I don't see what that has to do with not bowing–"

"–It has everything to do with – with – me choosing who and when and what I want to talk to, and I don't!"

"What??"

"I mean – I mean – never mind! I'm done with clan life, you get it! In Aqua Profunda, I'm not a dwarf, okay! I'm just a short woman with a beard! Which I might even shave off!"

Kaergat looked profoundly shocked. "You wouldn't!"

"I – I might! Maybe!"

"Brunhild, this is a cry for help! Your beard??"

"Look," said Brunhild, deflating a little, "I said maybe, okay? Just maybe. So if you want me to keep my soft, silky, gorgeously feminine facial hair, you help me stay away from my clan, okay?"

"I don't see how that's connected... but okay," grumbled Kaergat.

"Okay," said Brunhild.

"We'll talk about this again sometime, you hear?"

"Not if I talk about it first," growled Brunhild.

"What??"

"Never mind!"