It took some complex evasive manoeuvres to get into the colosseum without being spotted by Brunhild's relatives. At last, laden with popcorn, drinks, and another round of hot bunnies, the four friends sat down, just in time for the opening speech.
"My dear gentlehumans," said a man dressed in pleated red silk, which was dripping with jewels, embroidery, and other ornamentation.
"Gentlehumans? Did he just go out of his way to exclude all of us? Or am I hallucinating this?" asked Dandelion.
"Shh," said Kaergat.
"My name," continued the man in the arena, "is Lord Pomegranate Flabbergast, Lord Apparent of House Flabbergast, and exalted member of the Aqua Profunda Triumvirate."
"I'm genuinely unsure if I hallucinated that," said Dandelion.
"Shhh," said Kaergat.
"...through the generosity of my House," continued Lord Pomegranate Flabbergast, "and of the noble House Discombobulate, that this humble show is to be put on for your enjoyment. In return, I ask for but a moment of your time.
"As you also surely know, there is an open position in the Aqua Profunda triumvirate as my late compeer, Lord Carambola Longan Maracuya Poppycock the Fourteenth recently passed away in circumstances that were as mysterious as they were... unfortunate."
"Wait, did that guy just heavily lay down the subtext of having had someone assassinated in front of like, five thousand people?" balked Dandelion, spitting popcorn.
"Shhhh!"
"I mean kudos to him, if so."
"What part of 'shh' don't you understand, Dandelion?" hissed Kaergat.
"The second part. You know, the bit where you sound extra frikkin' grumpy."
"...Without further ado, I present to you my friend and associate, Lord Pineapple Discombobulate the Second!"
"Hem hem. Thank you, dear Pomegranate," said another nobleman, who stepped forward now. This one was dressed with a similar amount of ornamentation as Pomegranate, but all in black. "It is my great honour to be recommended by a member of the exalted Triumvirate for the public vote. Hem, hem.
"When, the weekend after this tournament, you go to the town hall to vote (that is, those of you who own land, and who are full citizens of Aqua Profunda, and are not halflings or lower-caste dwarves, of course!), please think of me kindly, not only as someone who made this tournament possible, but someone who, hem hem, has the highest good of Aqua Profunda in his heart.
"If and when I enter office, it is my hope that together with Lord Flabbergast I can help to rid this town of its... undesirable elements. The late Lord Carambola Longan Maracuya Poppycock the Fourteenth had this way of vetoing my friend Lord Flabbergast's work, you see. Together, Pomegranate and I would like to finally, and once and for all, pass the Halfling Settlement Zones Law; outlaw marriage between humans and lesser races; and of course demand our police force to actually enforce our ban on orcs, half-orcs and other goblinoids within our city wall. This would, of course, lead to more peace and harmony for all of us."
"I'm not nearly high enough for this," groaned Dandelion.
"Ah, and not to worry!" added Lord Discombobulate with his finger in the air. "Half-orcs will be allowed to continue their jobs in the sewers, so you won't have to do that! Ahahaha, am I right, Pomegranate!"
"You most certainly are, dear Pineapple! Ahahahaha!" laughed Lord Pomegranate Flabbergast, genteely.
"I thought this was a comedy adventure," groaned Dandelion, burying her face in popcorn.

YOU ARE READING
Draconic Sphere Ω
FantasyBrunhild came to Aqua Profunda to escape the suffocating confines of dwarven clan and family life. There she found the adventurer's guild Feenschwanz, and new friends: Kaergat, also a dwarf and more to the point, an overly sober runic mage; and Dand...