Draconic Sphere Ω

Chapter 15: I'm High As Hell And I Mostly Just Tell Jokes And Steal Things

Lord Pineapple Discombobulate the Second's speech continued on in the same vein for at least ten minutes. Dandelion eventually noticed that Kaergat wasn't responding to her comments any more, and lifted her face out of the bucket of popcorn to look at him. As it turned out, he was staring at Lord Discombobulate and seething with rage.

"But, let me not detain your entertainment a moment longer, hem hem!" concluded Lord Discombobulate, stepping aside.

"Thank you, Pineapple!" said Pomegranate. "Now, without further ado, let me present our contenders for today!"

"This is very un-orderly," growled Kaergat. "Absolutely an inadequate man for any kind of public role. I hope he loses... very badly!"

"Okay Kaergat, you've got a right to your feelings, just be careful that the kids don't hear you!" laughed Dandelion.

"Absolutely inadequate and quite appalling! How could this happen?" said Kaergat, emphatically.

"You never seen democracy in action before, Kaergat?"

"No, I have not!"

"Ah, well, it's the best," said Dandelion, taking a long drag on her pipe.

One after the other, a few dozen combatants of different shapes and sizes came to stand in a line together in the arena and took a bow. Several of them were members of Feenschwanz, Brunhild noted.

"Guys," said Lacrie breathlessly. "The artefact tracker is active!"

Everyone looked, and saw the glowing arrow at Lacrie's wrist. "It's pointing down there!"

"You mean one of the contenders has it?"

"It must be! Ah... now the arrow's gone again?"

"Really?"

"That doesn't make sense," said Lacrie.

"Maybe someone put it in a lead box," said Kaergat. "Perhaps even just took it out briefly and put it back in."

"Cassandra said the tracker can see through lead," said Lacrie uncertainly.

"If only we could get closer to the contestants..." said Kaergat.

"And now, in the final moments before we begin the competition," said Pomegranate with a grandiose tone, "We ask: will any more brave fighters join the fray? Step forward now, or forever hold your peace!"

Everyone looked at Brunhild.

"What?" said Brunhild, a look of mild horror creeping across her face.

"I can't fight, I'm just a healer," said Lacrie.

"I'm high as hell and I mostly just tell jokes and steal things," said Dandelion.

"Wait, what?" stammered Brunhild.

"I wish I could do it, Brunhild, but I'm not a real battle mage," said Kaergat. "I can't really fight on my own."

A couple more contestants had come down into the arena; their names were announced. "Anyone elseee?" called Lord Pomegranate Flabbergast.

Dandelion stood up on her chair and pulled Brunhild's hand into the air. Brunhild stared at her hand in disbelief, only too late considering to pull it back down.

"That dwarf with the red beard! Excellent! I say, I wonder if he has a Redmayne sword, ha ha..." said Lord Pomegranate Flabbergast.

In a daze, Brunhild accepted the artefact tracker from Lacrie and let Dandelion lead her down to the arena.