The states!

Uncle Ruckus (no Relation)

California, writting as he talks: dear math.. I'm not your damn... Therapist. Go fix your own God.. Damn problems

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Florida: I'm not inclined to resign to maturity

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Alaska: you ever do that thing where you don't have any milk for your cereal so you use orange juice. But you don't have any cereal so you use vodka?
Washington: no?
Alaska, sipping from a bowl: must just be me then

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Nevada: Wow! Just found out you don't have to eat the stick in the middle of the ice cream!

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Georgia: Just... Why?
Florida: I get asked that question a lot and I find that the answer is often 'I thought it would be funny'

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New Hampshire: sixteen reasons why Alabama is a character flaw speed run, go!
Arizona: he once looked at a tree and asked Oregon if they were breedable
Kentucky: he kept referring to mayo as cum
Georgia: He tri-
Georgia: wait WHAT

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Tennessee: today I'll be Googling how old Russia is-
About 3 minutes later
Tennessee: WHY AM I OLDER THAN HIM

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Florida: tch
Kentucky: what's the problem?
Florida: math homework
Kentucky: I can help you. Let's see, oh here's an easy one. What's 6 × 3?
Florida: *shrugs*
Kentucky: 6 × 3
Florida: I don't know
Kentucky: 6 × 3
Florida: I dunno
Kentucky: 6 × 3!
Florida: I legit don't know!
Kentucky: SIX THREES
Florida: I told you, I don't know!
Kentucky: What's 6+6?
Florida: oh 12!
Kentucky: NOW ADD SIX
Florida: I DON'T KNOW
Kentucky: look if Missouri has 6 × 3 amount of dish soap how much dish soap does he have?
Florida: I DON'T KNOW, HOW MUCH?
Kentucky: HOW MUCH-
Kentucky:
Kentucky: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-

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Rhode Island: today I shall be as useless as the g in lasagna

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Hawaii: IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE
Hawaii: IT'S A BANNANNA NEXT TO A BANNANNA

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Louisiana: excuse me, ma'am, are you dating someone?
Japan: yeah, but they live in another nation
Louisiana: which nation?
Japan: my imagination

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Montana: A B C D E F G, gummy bears are chasing me. One is red. One is blue. One is chewing one my shoe. Now I'm running foR MY LIFE, CAUSE THE GREEN ONE HAS A KNIFE

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Tennessee:
South Carolina: why are you even called TENnessee? You aren't the tenth state
Tennessee: it's a Yu-
North Carolina: from now on, your name shall be Hennessy
Tennessee: what the act-

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Florida: *tastes poison like a chef tasting soup* hm. Needs more eye of newt
Georgia:
Louisiana: dude. Eye of Newt usually means mustard seed
Ohio: so who else was today years old when they learned that "eye of newt" is a mustard seed and not the literal eye of a newt.
Louisiana: there's even more beyond the eye of newt.
Toe of frog = butter cup
Wool of bat = Holly leaves
Tongue of dog = houndstongue
Adders fork = adders tongue
Alaska: No wonder my potions never work the way they should