My Life In Two

Sometimes Dead Is Better

"Spencer, I'm freaked out." I paced back and fourth, very nervous sitting next to Spencer drinking water on a park bench just down the street from the house. I didn't want anyone else to hear this conversation, and I had to take a walk somewhere. It's so nice to not have to walk in frigid temperatures and snow..like P.A. Ricky is so lucky I like him enough to move a Cali girl to the east coast.

"What's going on?" He asked so calmly. "I'm..I'm scared." I tried so hard to hold tears back. He scooted over to me wrapping me up into his side. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay. Tell me what's going on." He mumbled into my hair as he rested his chin on my head. I pulled away and studied his face for a moment, he had such a sincere and worried look on his face. I needed to ask him about..a touchy subject. "Spence..I need you to tell you about Nadia."

He didn't say anything, he didn't have to. That sincere look in his eyes changed, looking dark and his breath hitched. "Why?" His voice definitely harsher. "I uh..I've been having these nightmares.." I stated, swallowing a big lump in my throat. "Ricky mentioned something about Nadia having nightmares, similar to mine before her death." He looked stunned and raised an eyebrow. "He told you that?"

"Yeah..I don't mean to pry but...what happened? I'm so scared I'm going to be next." I started bawling. He embraced me once again. I was so upset, I had no idea what I was doing anymore. I couldn't control my body.

"Hey." He said softly lifting up my chin. "What happened to Nadia is not going to happen to you, I won't let anything happen to you. Nadia was murdered by an absolute psychopath, he broke into our home. They stabbed her three times in the chest, twice in the stomach and once in the back. You're going to be okay. No one is out to get you."

By this time he was so close to me, I could feel his breath on my face. He leaned in and for a second, I was caught in the moment feeling like I was stuck in a trance but pushed him away. "What the fuck Spencer!" I yelled. He just smirked at me and rolled his eyes. "Come on, you're dreaming about me, you flirt with me all the time and you almost kissed me as well. I'm not entirely the one to blame here." My blood was boiling. "Spencer! Those dreams are scary! And why the fuck are you in them?!" I marched back to the bus, slamming the door earning a look from Ricky, Dan, Patrick and Joe. "I don't want to talk!" I yelled running back to the bus. Ricky tried to comfort me, but I wanted to be alone.

Days went by and Ricky and I arrived back in Pennsylvania last night. Spencer apologized to me and said he was out of line. I accepted his apology and we moved on. I've been shut down and feeling like I've been pushing Ricky away. I feel so bad but these nightmares are really fucking me up.

Ricky's POV

I feel so fucking shut out of Jacee's life. Something is bothering her and she won't talk to me. I don't know if it's the nightmares or not but the last time she had a conversation it was private with Spencer and she came back angry in tears. Spencer chalked it up as she was really upset about her band splitting up and didn't feel like being on the road with us anymore and wanted to move back to L.A. It really hurts that she feels this way and will not even talk to me about it. We're back in Pennsylvania and I am determined to have a conversation with her.

"Jacee, can we talk?" She looked at me while brewing coffee. "About?" Not even looking up from her coffee. I was getting irritated now, she cannot avoid this forever. "You know what Jace. Why are you not opening up to me? You have absolutely no issues talking to Spencer, and now Patrick too apparently? I don't understand what I did but this is getting ridiculous." She looked at me with anger in her eyes almost slamming her coffee down. "You know what Ricky? I'm dealing with these nightmares that are getting worse and this time I get brutally murdered and you know how? Just like Nadia. It's not Spencer this time, it's you! It felt so real and I'm scared. I needed to talk to Spencer because he gets it and Patrick is basically my brother! I feel like I'm going crazy! I didn't want to scare you!" My eyes went wide and she was practically yelling and crying by now, I have to admit what she said stings.

"And I'm your boyfriend, did you forget about that?" I snapped at her and immediately felt bad. I walked up to her slowly, bringing her into my arms and wiping the tears from my face. "Baby, why didn't you tell me? I would never hurt you..or scare you like that..I love you." I was so upset that one, she's going through this and two, she wouldn't talk to me about it. I meant it, I'm in love with this girl and crazy about her, no matter what. Her mouth opened like she was going to say something but she closed it. "Ricky, I think I need to move back home." The phrase I was dreading. I sighed, "Where does that leave us?"

"Ricky, I love you too, but I need to go."

Spencer's POV

Jace called me crying and asked me to pick her up at LAX, needing a place to stay for a bit. Jacee and Ricky have broken up, and she was running right into my arms, right where I wanted her. "Oh, honey come here." I extended my arms out as I got of the car to greet her, she was already crying. "It's okay, come on, lets get you home." I opened the passenger door for her and sat in traffic trying to leave the airport. I met my hand with hers, holding it, in a friendly way of course. I wanted her to feel comfortable. I'm not trying to kill her, I'm an innocent man, even though they tried to pin Nadia's murder on me, they have no idea. Jacee is different, I love her, if you will. I just want her to be with me in this psychotic world.

"Spencer I feel like I'm going crazy." It's time for my poker face. "No you're not. We'll get you someone to help with the nightmares. I know a lovely psychiatrist named Nancy. She's great, it's too bad about my therapist though, Dr. Black. He was so nice and was helping me."

"I don't think I need a psychiatrist, Spence. I just need to be back here, I'm sure they'll get better." I could tell she was hesitant but thinking about it still.

"Just give her a chance, Jace. It couldn't hurt." I pleaded. "Alright Spencer, you win. I'll give it a try."