My Life In Two

I am the Shadow Where there Once Was Light

  I woke up panting, heavily. These dreams don't stop and I have not been sleeping well. I calmed my breathing and rolled over to check my phone.

3 AM. 5 missed texts messages from Ricky.

  I groaned in frustration. I did fall in love with Ricky..and pretty sure I still am, but life here living with Spencer is where I need to be. Spence seems to understand where I am coming from with these nightmares and is offering me help. I need to get this under control before we go back on tour and see Ricky again. I haven't quite shut the door on us yet, but I know I hurt him when I left.

  I couldn't fall back asleep. I tossed and turn and all I could see was the same dream, except this time, I'm doing the killing. I swear I am mentally going insane. I sat up and started to hyperventilate, putting my elbows and my knees together, slightly sobbing. I heard footsteps coming down the hall towards Spencer's room. "Spence?" I lifted my head and called in between choked sobs. A minute after he gently opened the door and poked his head in. "What are you doing up Jacee?" He asked walking in and sitting at the edge of
my bed. I felt like a child calling for their dad after a nightmare, but Spencer was comforting and right now I needed comfort.

  "I could ask you the same thing. Nightmares." I was still visibly shaken. He grabbed my hand, "Jace I'm so sorry. Luckily we are seeing Nancy at 11. Get some sleep." He started walking towards the exit of my room. "Spence?" He stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder. "Can you stay?" He turned around without saying a word and lifted his shirt over his head, exposing his tattooed arms and torso, only leaving grey sweatpants on. He lied next to me in bed and I shifted myself in his embrace. I just wanted to feel safe. And safe I did. For the rest of the night the nightmares were gone, and that was the first night of peaceful sleep I've had in weeks.

Spencer's POV

"Jace, you ready?" I called from the bottom of the stairs jingling my car keys in my hand. "Be right down!" She seemed in a better mood today..and looked like it too. She bounced down the stairs with her gorgeous brown hair down and a smile on her face, clearly excited to hopefully get some answers from Nancy. Sleeping next to me was the cure for her nightmares. She may figure that out sooner or later.

  "Are you excited to meet Nancy?" I asked leading her outside of the house, locking the door behind me. "I think so, but hopeful she can help me, even if it's a little." I nodded in agreement. "She is one of the best I've seen. I haven't found a new therapist since Dr. Black yet though." She looked over at me inquisitively. "Tell me about him." I sighed, not ready to get into this before her appointment, luckily we had arrived to the office. I hopped out of the car and opened the door for Jacee, assuming she forgot about her thought on the subject matter.

  "Hello Spencer!" Nancy chimed, opening the door and leading us in to the office. "Nancy, looking beautiful as ever." She smiled and looked between Jacee and I before taking a seat at her desk gesturing us to do the same. "Thank you, Spencer. And you must be Jacee. Spencer has told me a bit about what is going on. Could you elaborate?"

  "Absolutely, I started having these crazy, vivid and scary dreams almost a year ago now.  Briefly after I started touring with Ice Nine Kills in my former band, we were their openers. It started with Spencer being in them and he was asking me to kill for him, or if I would die for him. Then after I started dating his bandmate Ricky, it changed to Ricky murdering me. The last one became more aggressive and vivid..like it was actually happening. I was the one doing the killing. I was doing it for someone but I don't know who..it was gruesome." She explained in detail to Nancy while clearly spooked.

  "Wow, that sounds..intense. I probably haven't heard of anything that serious since Spencer and Nadia." I looked up and flashed her a warning glare to not speak about it. She shot back with an apologetic look.

  After we talked more, Nancy prescribed Jacee with Olanzapine. As they were talking I took the opportunity to reach around her desk and grab a pad of prescription paper for later uses. As Jacee said goodbyes and I gave Nancy a hug. "Darla, thank you for acting as Nancy. I appreciate your help again." Oh, you thought Nancy was still alive? Oh no, that poor girl. She nodded and shooed me out the door to catch up with Jacee.

  ***

  "So how did you feel about that?" I asked her while taking a giant bite of my dinner. We made pizza at the house, Scream IV on in the background as usual. "I feel good. I'm really hoping what Nancy gave me helps. I know her name from somewhere, but her face..looked different. Didn't she work with Dr. Ian Black? What a sick man." I bit my cheek not wanting to give away anything. "Yeah, she did. At first people thought she was one of his victims but turns out she went into hiding. When she heard he was dead, she felt freed." She nodded, taking the bait. "Good for her." She left it at that and finished her pizza.

  We bullshitted for another couple of hours, finishing scream and then watching whatever reality shows we could find, Jacee not wanting to watch horror before bed.

  1 AM rolled around and we decided it was time to call it quits. I followed her upstairs and parted ways into our respective rooms. "Hey Spence?" I turned around with a curious look on my face. "Could you uh..stay in here, on the floor...just in case." She looked scared to go to sleep. She knew this was not going to be immediate relief. The meds take weeks to do their job..if they do them correctly. I didn't want her to get the idea that all she has to do is be in my arms to make the nightmares go away, this was not the point in this.

  The rest of the night went as usual. Jacee woke up nearly screaming, I shuffled next to her as she fell asleep, giving her relief from the nightmares. I hated that I was hurting her, but this is only going to help us in the long run. Together we'll be unstoppable and I'll do anything to make her the happiest woman alive, even if that does require a little torture at first. Love hurts.

Ricky's POV

  I sat on the couch next to Starks, playing some guitar riffs. Jacee had finally answered me to see how I was. I miss her like crazy and so excited I get to see her soon when we pick up tour in a week, our first into 2024. She told me that Spencer has found her a psychiatrist that can help her with the nightmares. I just wish it could be me instead of pills.

  I fly out today to LAX to meet the rest of the band. Starks was coming with on another tour, he is the best bus dog anyone could want, and I know the rest of the guys and Jacee love him.

The flight was long, and bumpy. I sat in the middle while King Starks got to have the window seat. As soon as we filed out of the plane, Starks and I went to the dog potty and a water stop area and then retrieved our luggage.

  "My man!" Patrick rolled his luggage over to me giving me a hug. He had a similar landing time that I did. "Starkie! How's my good boy!" He bent down and gave him so many belly rubs. "Good to see you man, glad to be back in action." We caught up on both of our side projects and talked future tour things until our car rolled up. Spencer was supposed to show up, however my jaw nearly hit the pavement when Jacee exited the car.

Things are really about to heat up, so buckle your seatbelts, people. Please vote if you enjoyed and I'd love to hear your comments and predictions! Thanks everyone!