My Life In Two

Cause breaking your promise is easy as breaking your neck

Author's note
Hey guys, I am back! I met INK on Wednesday and let me tell you they are the nicest guys ever! The show was great as always. I hope you enjoy another chapter, we are getting closer to the big finale, thanks for reading!

"Spencer?! Spencer!" I screamed. There was nothing around me, all I had was a flashlight in my hands, holding it so tightly my knuckles were white. I'm wearing what I wore to bed, a simple black tank top and my back silk booty shorts. It was pitch black and I had no idea where I was, until the girl we saved crawled towards me telling me to run. You need to run."

I jolted out of my sleep, immediately sitting up and sweating. I looked over to see Spencer passed out on his stomach, him arm now on my pillow that was previous around my torso. I put my head in my hands anxiously as Spencer started to stir around and notice I was shaking. He sat up and put his arms to pull me close. "And this time?" He asked planting a kiss on my temple. "This...is the third night in a row, Spence. I think my meds are making me crazy. I haven't had night terrors in months.

"Well maybe we should go see-" I cut him off so fast and angrily. "No, Spence. I'm weaning myself off of these drugs and I do not care what you or anyone else says. These make me feel crazier than when I started, I can't do this anymore."

"You can't do what anymore?" He raised his eyebrow. I rubbed my eyes and headed for the shower. "I don't know, Spence. I need a few..and don't even dare to follow me." He smirked but that quickly faded when I gave him a look that was serious.

I stared at myself naked in the mirror. I despised myself. I hated how I looked and I'm started to hate who I've become. Am I a monster for what I've become? I just can't stop, something just takes over and I feel so bonded with Spencer..so powerful. I stood in the shower just letting the water run down my back, I needed to think about everything. The tour was over and Spencer and I live alone now. We had talked and decided at the time we should give it a shot, but we never made it public, but I'm sure everyone knows.

I stepped out of the shower, dried off and changed into a black v neck crop and black running shorts. I dried my hair and threw it up in a messy bun. Spencer was dressed and looking like he was ready to leave. "Going to get some groceries, you want anything specific?" He asked while giving me a kiss on the forehead. "No thanks, have fun." He nodded and headed out the door.

I decided to take advantage of this quiet time to read my book and drink some coffee. About 20 minutes after Spencer left, there was a knock on the door. No shot Spencer is home yet, so I put my book away and walked to the door and opened it to see Ricky in my doorway. "What are you doing here, you're supposed to be back in PA?" I gave him a hug, but was throughly confused. "Can I come in?" He asked shyly. I moved so he could make his way into our kitchen.

He seemed nervous. "Come back to Pennsylvania with me." I was shocked, mostly shocked because it was pretty ballsy to come into Spencer's home and say that to me. Even though they are best friends, he has absolutely no idea what Spencer is capable of, only I do, which is a huge reason why I stay...I can't stay away from him. He's always told me we balance each other out, but lately everything with the meds, sloppy jobs we've pulled off and my nightmares have made me feel like something is going to happen.

"Ricky.." He stepped closer to me and my heart started beating out of my chest. The closer he gets, the more vulnerable I feel. It always makes me feel like he's the only one who can get me out of this. "Please. I know you still love me and never stopped. Ever since you've been with Spencer you've..you've changed." I could feel the tears brimming from eyes. Ricky caressed him hand on my cheek and I heard the door open and pulled away.

"Ricky?!" Spencer said shocked and pulled him in for a hug. "What are you doing here, man? He set our groceries on the counter. "Um..Just wanted to surprise you guys for a few days. I have some ideas regarding a song." He pulled that statement from the air, I know what..who he was here for. We all chat for a bit and sat on the couch. As Spencer turned the TV on there was a breaking news alert regarding the crime we had committed in Florida. They stated that the case was heating up and they may have updated evidence of a suspect soon, and that was all the information they would share right now. Spencer and I exchanged troublesome looks while Ricky tossed a piece of popcorn he had made in his mouth. "Hope they catch the guy." I hope not..

It was around New Year's eve and all of the guys flew into PA this time. It was closer to everyone's family. As much as i do not appreciate snow, it was a requirement around the holidays and I did not give Spencer a choice.

We were all hanging out at Ricky's listening to a new demo of a new song they had recorded called "Meat and Greet" based off of The Silence of the Lambs, when there was a knock on the door. I opened it and saw two police officers standing there. "How may I help you, officers?" I smiled even though I was internally screaming about what was about to happen.

"Hi ma'am, sorry to bother you guys. We are looking for Spencer Charnas." I motioned them in. All of the other guys were staring between me, the officers and Spencer dumbfounded. Spencer walked over and turned his charm on. "Spencer Charnas, you are a person of interest and under arrest for a murder that was committed in Florida in November. You have the right to remain silent..." And then my hearing cut out and the ringing grew louder. The band was too shocked to speak and Spencer remained quiet while I was panicking and sobbing. "J, it's alright, this is just a misunderstanding. I'll be back to you soon. Rick, please watch over her until I get this sorted out." Ricky still shocked but nodded at Spencer while he had to restrain me. Luckily the cops were nice enough to let him finish his thoughts before they pulled him away from me. Patrick spoke with another cop that was on the scene so he could get information on the process.

I shouldn't be, but I was heartbroken and sad, and scared..

If Spencer goes down for this, then I will too.

I excused myself to go up to the spare room that Spencer and I shared. I curled up in ball and just stared at the wall. I noticed my pills on the nightstand next to me, picked them up and threw them against the wall. I could hear the guys panicking quietly until they heard the sound of the pill bottle. A few moments later, Ricky appeared and sat down next to me.

He pulled me into a hug. "It's okay..we figure this out." He rocked me slightly to help me calm down. I knew he was stressed too, his best friend and the girl he loves are about to go down for a crime. I hated myself for ever putting him and the band in this position, for putting me in this position. I looked up and Ricky and my tearful eyes met his. I leaned in and gently brushed my lips against his. I missed this feeling. The feeling I get with Spencer is loving, but there's also a twisted, dark, and lustfulness feeling. With Ricky, it's loving, but also relaxes me and brings a safe, homey feeling.

I knew I needed to get Spencer out of this mess, as I am his accomplice and could go down too. But I also needed to get myself, and Ricky out too before he finds what I've done.