TEACH ME NOT 2 HATE LOVE

45

👧Tajea POV 👧

So, after feeding and cleaning up after little Nik, we headed for the main hall to watch cartoons. Well, I'm only doing so until it's time for me to get out of here. That is twenty minutes from now.

However, that didn't happen. Overhearing the harsh conversation between Nik, his dad, I think (well, the strange voice called him son), and his mother made me refrain from doing so. I don't want little Nik to be a part of all that drama.

That is why we took a detour upstairs to his room and watched cartoons there instead. And by the time work was done, the commotion had already ended.

Nik was just sitting still on the couch, looking beaten and defeated. And everything within me wanted to just go hug him to console him and take his troubles away. Anything to not see him this down and unhappy.

But I can't. I don't want to lead him on just to push him away. I don't want to give him the wrong impression. A good man like him doesn't deserve that crap from a broken girl like me. That is why, for the past few days, I avoided contact or conversations with him as much as possible.

"What is it?" He asked a bit harshly. OK. I'll let that one slide.

"Are you alright, Nik?" I tried being compassionate, seeing that he was hurt emotionally. I tried not to let my anger get the best of me, which is really hard. But nonetheless, I was a good girl. However, if he keeps using that tone with me, I'll strangle him to death.

"Why ask if you don't even care?" He used that tone again. It is best that I just go home before I do something I will regret.

"You know what, Jackass? Forget it." I was about to walk away.

"Tajea, wait," his eyes and voice pleaded. And my feet just froze on the spot. My body submitted to his demand. Girl, have you no shame?

"I'm sorry about that," Nik apologized sincerely. "It's just. I'm not in a good mood right now. My relatives. They are all out to drive me crazy. And they are using Mother to do so. Therefore, I was left with no choice but to kick her out of here. No matter how difficult it was for me to do so."

That's harsh. But I'm a hundred percent sure there must be a good reason Nik did such a thing. I know very well how much this man loves that woman.

"But that's no excuse for my rude behavior towards you. And I'm really sorry. I—"

"Breathe, Nik?" I interrupted, so he would just stop babbling. Stop giving me a headache.

Nik did as I instructed, then voiced sadly. "I'm not good, Taj. Not good at all. I mean, what kind of son kicked out their own mother?"

He forced a smile, fighting back his tears, to not look weak in my eyes. But that's not true. It broke my heart to see him like this.

"I'll make sure she has somewhere good to stay." Nik seemed to be consoling himself, trying to rid himself of the guilt of kicking out his mother. "And the best caretaker to look after her. I just can't have her here. I can't trust her when it comes to my brothers or my father."

Well, I don't know what to say or do about this. I just stood there speechless, looking sad and considerate, listening to him grieve.

"Can I hold you?" He requested out of the blue. Is he crazy?

"Oh, I don't think that's a good idea." I rejected the tempting offer. However, my body got all excited, anticipating and desiring his grasp. Mercy.

"Please. I need you," he stated in that desperate and needy voice that hypnotized me.

"I can't." Yet here I am, facing him, and he throws his arms around me, hauling me in for a warm embrace. I hugged back, of course. His head rested on my right shoulder, and he cried. For about ten minutes, if not more. The poor thing.

And, oh no, I am losing all control over myself with him so close. His hard body against my delicate work of art. This just triggered all sorts of emotions. This strong sexual urge within my soul. Kitty Cat is now drowning in a pool of water. Meow!

Oh, no. This can't be happening. I can't believe I let this happen. I don't know how. Why or when it happened. But Nik's mouth was plundering mine. He was sucking the life out of me, and I was willing. Moaning.

He was groaning, his hands touching me sensually and with deep meaning. And my hands were running along his impressively built structure.

And as the kiss intensified and every touch hit the right places, my body's need for him became greater. I can feel it in my soul how much he hungers for me and me him.

But this has to stop. My body, however, oh, my body. It won't listen to my brain. As if that b*tch is any better. They were both intoxicated by the delicious toxin, Nik Anthony, to give a damn about anything else.

Still, I won't let these hormones do as they please with me. I forced myself out of Nik's strong grasp. Our eyes made four.

"Please don't go," he begged breathlessly before I could leave.

Why can't I go?

"I'm sorry for forcing you into doing something you are not comfortable with."

"Nik, just please shut the hell up! And stop apologizing!" I voiced frustrated, leaving him a bit confused. "It's not that I don't want to. Oh, you don't know how badly I really want to. But I just can't do this."

"OK. I understand," he stated patiently, but I can see the disappointment in his eyes. The intense hunger for sex that I awakened in him and didn't satisfy. Now I feel bad for him.

"See you tomorrow," I stuttered. That's all that came to mind. I reached for my bag, which was now on the floor. And my cab is probably still outside waiting for me.

Besides, if I want to stop these feelings—this sudden urge to jump Nik's bones, as Regina would say—then I've got to get out of here right now.

"You are going home already?" Nik asked, but really he was just stalling to get me to stay longer. He's probably hoping I'll give it up to him.

Huuh, I want to give it up to him. But I'm scared that if I do, then he'll change into someone else, like Travis. And this time I'd really hate myself for putting myself through that shit again. Kill Nik even.

So before it goes that far, it's better we don't cross that line and ruin the good things we have here, whatever this is.

"Yes. It's already way past five o'clock," I replied. Then I rushed out the door before he could say anything else. And thank goodness he let me go this time.

If Nik had just begged me to stay one more time, huuh. I'd drop my draws and let him hop up and down in my bounce about like a happy kid. Skydive, seadive, and drive any number of laps on my racetrack.

Ugh. I told you the flesh was weak. I hope it doesn't become my downfall.