From cameras to your heart

Chapter 30

Trigger warning ⚠️

Might be sensitive for some readers

...

"Why are you behaving this way inaya?"

This was the first time he talked to her rudely. The first time he tried to nullify his feelings and blame her for whatever he felt.

"No seriously, what is wrong with you"

Nothing was wrong with her and he knew it, but the newly born feelings he felt while being around her frustrated him so he found an easy was to escape, blaming her.

"I clearly told you on the first day of our marriage that it will be difficult for you. I gave you a choice but you decided to go for it, you decided to attach yourself with me when you knew how busy I am."

He did, he did tell her that on the first day of their marrige itself then why did it feel like he was the one breaking the rules? Why did he feel guilty? Why did he feel like a culprit? Her culprit?

"Don't forget inaya, I gave you a choice and it was you who decided to proceed. We both got married willing and we both knew what we wanted from this marriage. I am a busy person inaya, I can't be giving explanations to you for every little thing that happens, I have a lot of other work to focus on."

He did give her a choice but he knew he was the one who took the first step towards their relationship. He still remembers the first time they got intimate, just on the second day of their marrige. It was something initiated by him where she also participated with full consent. He closed his eyes when he recalled the aftermath of the situation.

He left, the first time he walked away from the situation rather than facing it. He remembers her teary eyes and the argument that followed after. She was hurt, accusing him of leaving her after a pious moment of love, weakness, intimacy, making her feel like the moment didn't matter to him at all, naming it as a mistake.

That was also the first time he felt a flicker of emotions swirling in his heart after seeing her cry. The day he had returned he had also told her about leaving for New York and she had cried, shouting at him for being ignorant towards her and all he could do was simply apologize for hurting her.

The days in New York were not that hard during the first time he went after marriage, but in the back of his mind while working he knew that inaya was waiting for him, while he tried to wind up his work quickly to go back to his wife.

The moment he had returned and had hugged her, he felt as if his heart started beating again, the intensity and intimacy of that hug was something he cherished till now. It conveyed volumes to him, her love, her care, her hurt, it conveyed all her messages to him while her mouth had nothing to say.

And it scared him, the way she hugged him had clicked something in his mind, she was falling in love with him and he was not ready for it. That's when he tried to make some distance between them but all in vain. Her eyes scared him, the way she looked at him made him feel like a culprit. Her eyes, those eyes sacred him, made him curious as to what it would feel like to fall in love with her and this curiosity felt like a siren in his ears.

What was he doing? What was happening to his heart? Why was she so important to him all of a sudden? He didn't know the answer to it or maybe he did, he just didn't want to think about it because the outcome of it sacred him.

So it went on, and finally on the day of his birthday he exploded, hurling hurtful words her way, making her feel unwanted and undesired while trying to cajole his own heart into believing that it was for both of their own good.