NONKULULEKO

11

NONKULULEKO
#11

Dad was rushed to the hospital, me and gogo left with the ambulance. She was worried, worried about losing her only son. Gogo had my dad only as a child. I wished I could comfort her and tell her I was sorry but I was lost for words. I didn't know what to say. On yhr other hand, I didn't know how to feel about my father being sick and the possibility that someone poisoned him. It just didn't make sense. It was only the three of us in the house, I know I didn't do it, I doubt she would also poison her own son. The question that bugged the two of us was, who poisoned Mahlase?

"I can't lose my only son. Please God heal him", she was praying. I was surprised to learn that she also felt pain. How about the pain she caused me? Beatings, shouting, name calling? All that!

We stayed at the hospital until we were told to return home, they they would call us if something changed. We went back home but things were just bitter. Gogo was a walking zombie. Her sister, with her daughter, came to pay a visit and to be with her during that  time. It was nice of them to offer support for Mahlase. The doctors were not updating us on anything, they kept on saying they were working on it, that the poison used was too strong.

I, was doing very well at school. Teachers were proud of how I was doing, my grades were excellent, despite the fact that I came in late. Every subject seemed easy, that's why I passed. I couldn't wait to get to Grade 10. I wanted to get into Science class, I was more interested learning about the human body; its vulnerable parts and what nots. My maths teacher, Miss Ndaba, asked to see me that day after class, I followed after her, wondering what she had to say?

"Nonkululeko I want to talk to you about something", she sounded serious. I hoped I hadn't done anything that would cause me to be expelled. "Is everything alright Miss?", I asked her.
"There have been some concerns from other students about you", me? What did I do?
I was confused and she saw it because she took me to a quiet place where we would talk freely.
"Other students said they saw you killing a bird and wiping the blood with your hands", oh that! It was just a phase, I was over it. It had been long since I killed any animal. I had changed. I was a better person.

I looked at her with the most saddest look ever, "I am sorry Miss. The bird got inside the bathroom and I thought I was protecting other students. Next time I see one, I will leave it" if that apology didn't sound genuine then I don't know. "Understandable love, but I'm sure you understand why they would be concerned. This school has zero tolerance to violence. Is everything okay at home?"
Why would she ask that? I didn't like nosy people, I had spent six months in that school, why were they only noticing then?

"Yes, everything is okay"
"Can I ask you to come with your father tomorrow? There are a lot of things I need to talk to him about with you"
"Which are?"
"Your behavior is very similar. I have seen something like this before. We will get you help. I know about your mother and I am sorry"
"Okay Miss, I will tell my father."
"thank you, you can go back to class".
She walked away and I watched her until she got into another class. Mhh! She is nosy. It was just a bird Gosh!

After school came sooner than expected, I couldn't wait to arrive home and hear how dad was doing. I was hoping we would visit him. But gogo told me that we would go over the weekend. Dad's sickness changed her, she treated me more nicely and often asked me if I had eaten or I wanted something. Too bad. My scars were deep and it would take the longest to forget about everything that was done to me. And how could I forget about Nandi? The first person to expose me to the life of being abused. I hoped she was doing well wherever she was, she had to be doing well.

Gogo’s sister, Gabi, seemed not to like me very much, not that I cared, it was not the first to be hated by someone. But one thing she didn't know, was that I had changed. I no longer cried nor wept, I didn't wallow in pity. I did  everything willingly. I didn't care anymore. Hit me with a spoon, stab me, kill me. I just didn't care. She even gave up because she saw she was starting a losing battle.

It was late at night when I came back at home, I hoped no one noticed I was gone. I tried to tiptoe but the lights went on. There was Gabi, seated on the couch, waiting for me. I started stuttering thinking of an excuse I would make.
"Where do you come from young lady?"
"Uhm...I went to do homework at my friend's house and I didn't notice the time. I'm sorry"
She had to believe me. I had a book on my hand.
"What is in there?", she pointed at the black plastic bag I was carrying on my other hand. Shit!
"Uh...just some clothes. Nhle no longer wears them so she gave them to me" she scoffed and told me to go ahead and eat.

I ran to my room and threw the plastic deep in the wardrobe. I would deal with the clothes later.

The following day at school, the teachers were all grouped in the hall. Praying and singing. Seemed like school was not in session that day because they talked of letting us go early. I asked one of my classmates what was going on.
"You didn't hear?"
"Hear what?"
"Someone killed Miss Ndaba, our maths teacher at her home last night. They stabbed her 20 times with a knife and burnt her body along with her house. She's dead."
I blinked rapidly digesting the news. What!?
"They are going to her family to pay respect. That's why they are letting us go early"
The entire day I was stuck on one place. Things took a different turn. That was the moment that changed everything.

I went back home and told gogo what happened. Luckily she told me we could go and see dad. I was happy. I didn't know how much I missed him.
We arrived at the hospital and he seemed to be getting better.
"Are they feeding you well kodwa?", gogo asked worried.
"Yes I just ate", he replied. I was sitting on the bed with him, tiny as it was.
Gogo went to the bathroom and I remained with him.
"So how are you doing baba? Did the doctors finally drain the poison?"
"Yes, but they said it triggered a disease that I thought I was done"
"The cancer?"
"Yes. I may die anytime from now"
"Don't say that"
"I was never a good father to you ever since Mbali left us. I'm sorry mtanami. Please forgive me. I wish I could turn back and do things differently"

But you can't, you can't turn back time. What happened happened, I would live with the scars forever. People who liked to apologize whenever they had a change of heart bothered me so much. All that time you are inflicting pain on another person, you don't see anything wrong it, but suddenly when you have guilt you want to apologize and think that person will throw you a pink princess party and drink tea with tiny cups!? Dad once beat me until I collapsed or has he forgotten about that. Nandi threw a bowl at me in front of him and he did nothing! He did nothing! He made me sleep outside and in the morning he passed me like I was nothing. Gogo banged my head against the wall and he said nothing. I could count so many things that happened on his watch but i would write 200 pages.
I cried, begged, pleaded, I did everything to get them to love me. But all they saw was a toy to abuse, a slave to overwork, a stupid teenager to control. They didn't care about the consequences of what they were doing. They didn't care about me. Seeing me cry made them happy, they fed off my sadness.

After all that, how am I expected to forget everything? How could I have forgotten the sleepless nights? The bruises on my body? How could I forget all that?

"But don't worry dad, you are at peace", I covered him with the hospital sheet and sang him a lullaby.
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To be continued
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