NONKULULEKO

18

NONKULULEKO
#18

A day after my session with Whitney I was taken to a psychiatric hospital so they could evaluate my brain. It was scary but at the same time I wanted to do this. I wanted to get better. My family was called and gogo agreed for them to admit me for a week, giving them enough time to figure out what was wrong with me.

The first day at the psych was not so bad, I met other patients who had been there for years and they didn't look so bad. I was taken to a one room with white walls, there was nothing in the room. Except for a bed, with one pillow and a sheet. The floor was cold as my feet touched it. The door was closed shut with only a small opening in the middle, for stuffing in food. The food was horrible, boiled rice and soup. But I had no choice.

I spent the whole night thinking, thinking of what would happen to me as I was there. Th3 next day I was taken to another room. Where they evaluated my sanity. Doctor Brow was the one in charge. He kept on asking me questions, many questions that left me confused. I was tied down on the bed with restraining chains.
"I am going to play a video for you, watch it okay?"

Him and his colleagues were standing on the other side, there was a visible glass barrier separating us. He played the video and I was uncomfortable at first. There was a girl on the video, about my age, and she looked like me, in terms of hairstyle and clothing sense.

The first scene showed the girl eating food outside a veranda. She looked sad, I just wanted to hug her. She reminded me of me when we still lived with Nandi. I was always sad. Nothing ever took the pain.
I focused back on the video and there was a woman who came out of nowhere and pushed the food away from the girl. The woman was impersonating Nandi.
I felt my blood boil because that's what she would do to me. I swear that woman didn't hate me, she despised me!
The girl silently cried as the woman kept shouting at her and throwing in a few slaps here and there.

I felt suffocated and attacked from my chains on the bed. I wanted to get out.
"Let me out of here!",I struggled under the chains.
They just watched me as I cried, screamed, shouted and threw tantrums. What kind of doctors were they? Weren't they supposed to help me? Why were they rejoicing at my pain?
I felt defeated and powerless as I remembered everything that has happened to me. I was just so young. I didn't deserve all that. I just wanted to be like other children. I just wanted to be loved by my family. What crime did I do? Why did they hate me? What did my mother lie about?

The fact that they "now" had a change of heart made me even angrier. What about all the tears they caused me? All the sleepless nights? How do you continue beating a 15 year old until she faints? How do you make your own daughter sleep outside while you are comfortable in your bed? How do you eat food that was cooked by me yet you deny me the will to eat?

"They destroyed me. They created this monster….it is their fault", I said with a low voice with my head tilted to the side. Those doctors did something to me. I was numb. My entire body was hurting but I couldn't point out where it was hurting. I felt like I was really crazy.

"Nonkululeko….Nonkululeko", Doctor Brow was standing in my face. I couldn't make out what he was saying so I just laughed.
I saw him pulling out a syringe.
"Please don't do that", I was really weak and out of strength.
"You need to sleep. You're tired", that's what he said before he injected me and made me fall asleep.

                       *************

I woke up later on and I was in "my room". I wondered who picked me up. The place was awfully quiet for my liking, not even a fly or mosquito was buzzing in. The small passage on the door opened and what followed was a plate of food. That day it was boiled chicken and pap. I snatched the plate and ate like I was being chased by animals. I didn't realize I was that hungry. I pushed the plate to the far end of the room after I was done.