LUST FOR LIFE, matthew gray gubler ✔

friends don't know how you taste

━━ matthew ━━

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ Blurry days are returning to my life, as predicted. I was never a true loverman, but I really wanted to be. It's for her. For me. For us.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ She was incredibly young, but I didn't always get that knowledge back to my head. She was a true bunny in my eyes. Her age and other things she did were only factors in why I called to her as one.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ My bunny was gone for about two weeks in a row. I saw her on social media with that boy and with her friends, but she never texted me. As if I didn't exist in her world of minor celebrity.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ She knew I was desperate for her to call me again, which is why she didn't call. We weren't lovers or even close friends. For half a year, I never really understood what we were doing to each other. Except destroying ourselves.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ And why I can't seem to get away from her. My body is relying on her to resurrect me. Without her, I'm just a dead man walking. She's my necessary oxygen.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ S̶h̶e̶ b̶e̶c̶a̶m̶e̶ m̶y̶ l̶i̶f̶e̶ s̶o̶u̶r̶c̶e̶, a̶n̶d̶ I̶ k̶n̶o̶w̶ h̶o̶w̶ m̶u̶c̶h̶ p̶a̶t̶h̶e̶t̶i̶c̶ I̶ s̶o̶u̶n̶d̶ r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ n̶o̶w̶. I̶'m̶ j̶u̶s̶t̶ a̶ m̶a̶n̶ w̶h̶o̶ c̶a̶n̶'t̶ a̶s̶k̶ h̶e̶r̶ t̶o̶ b̶e̶ m̶i̶n̶e̶ f̶o̶r̶e̶v̶e̶r̶.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ I never judged her for growing so far from me in such a short amount of time. I would do the same thing, but I couldn't.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ She has so much time ahead of her, why would she waste it on a 40-year-old man like me? That question, like all of my current thoughts, is currently being researched.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ I despised LA parties. It is not because I was born and raised in Vegas, where the parties and nightlife are so much better; it is just... I saw her! I swear to God, I was not expecting to see her. She, on the other hand, was. As usual, I speculate.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Matthew," she said in a room full of people who were staring at our embrace, it was a touch too cozy for two strangers in public.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Her arms were wrapped around my neck as she tried to snuggle with my, so I wrapped my arms around her waist and gripped her strongly. "Heaven," I said as she brushed her crimson lips against my cheek, leaving a lipstick stain.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I missed you", she said.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "You never called," I was pathetic, right? I should put an end to this.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "You are forgetting that I'm 23, I'm still a student..." This is horrible because I never asked her about it. I do not know much about her, but I am so whipped.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ My arms were still wrapped around her. I do not want to lose her. "You have got to let me go," she muttered against my cheek as my grip tightened.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Behave, we are in public, Matthew," she said as she walked me like a filthy dog. And I was fucking into it.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ So I let her to play with my mind. Queen of my heart, Heaven.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ This scene reminds me of one I saw on the TV, of two of us fleeing from security in some building while looking for a place to be alone. I was not particularly athletic, so I slowed us down.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Wait," I gasped, struggling to breathe through my nose. "I can't, Heaven, I am an older man, I can not run like I used to," her sweet laugh was filling the empty room in front of us.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "We do not have to," she said, mockingly. I was not in the mood to dispute about her calling me elderly. It was entirely my fault.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ My sober thoughts were drunk on her beauty when I looked at her for the first time. As I got closer, she took steps back till her exposed back in this hot pink dress did not strike the cool wall.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "We are friends, Matthew," she said, as if she was warning me about something. I did not care once again. I took steps towards her, my face so close to hers that I felt compelled to kiss her.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I groaned, "I know the way you taste Heaven..."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Friends do not know how you taste," I said as she was in middle of breaking one of her own rules about being friends in public. She kissed me, her moves filled with hunger.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ My favorite type of torture was sweet suffocation as a result of intense kissing sessions. I liked how she made the decisions. ̶I̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶t̶r̶u̶l̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶.̶

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Between kisses, all she could say was "Back to mine" We ended up at her house not long after kissing. We were drenched in sweat and tangled between her silky-smooth covers. We were both worn out.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ My lips were pushed against her head, giving little kisses before turning around. Isn't that what friends do after sex? They switch sides without hugging. However, she was already spooning me.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ These are the moments I wish I might capture so I could relive them again and again. Her scarlet lips on mine. Her frail tiny body in my hands. Trusting me.