LUST FOR LIFE, matthew gray gubler ✔

my violated heart is still bleeding

‎━━ matthew ━━

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ Heaven was a kind young lady on a daily basis, but her aggressive and violent moments only manifested themselves when it came to my heart. To keep me close, she was tearing my heart apart, causing bruises, and placing all of herself inside of me. To keep her as my woman.

My violated heart is still bleeding after she cut it open so she could enter and settle on that safe area while she is with me. I could not even complain because the stitches she tried to put around the wounds were not enough. Our relationship is a wicked form of romance. It was meant to hurt, to make our souls bleed together as a type of sacrifice in this world.

I loved her more than I would ever loved anyone; I loved her as if she were a part of me (which she was, but I could not say it out loud) and I believe she was made for me; everything was meant to be.

Her and I, like a couple, in the same apartment, enjoying the fantasy love life she would wished for since she was a child. My little bunny is still a little girl, and it is strange how much I enjoy seeing her cute scrunched nose when she is upset at me for no apparent reason.

We were now a couple, and as much as I wanted to have a calm and serene relationship with the girl of my dreams, dreams might occasionally turn into nightmares. Other people sniffing around seeking for her flaws and reasons why we should not be together in the first place were our nightmare.

I simply did not care. I craved her. I wanted serenity. After all, I chose her solely for myself, not for others. So I decided to change the story in order to have more people talking about me as my book's release date approaches.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ While Heaven was still sleeping, I spent my mornings in the living room, jotting down ideas and sketching a few illustrations in my sketchbook.

She should wake up shortly, in my opinion. The morning routine is usually the same; as soon as she feels the cold on my side of the bed, she gets up despite not having gotten enough sleep and keeps me company while I work on my projects.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "What are you up to, loverman?" She asked as I focused my attention on her, watching her stretch before yawning loudly.

My brief responses were full of laughter, and she seized the chance to sit in my lap.

She pressed her body into mine, wrapped her arms around me and clutching me fiercely. "Tell me more about your book", she insisted, and I could not say no.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "It is a kids book about a monster with big green hands," I explained, but she seemed puzzled, and of course she defended herself before I could say anything.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "It is cute," she said as she kissed my cheek. "I am crossing my fingers for your book," another kiss, then another... till we kissed properly.

My entire body was still shivering from the sensation of her hands moving all the way through it - it was an electric sensation that was making my brain think of things it shouldn't. I was madly in love with her.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "You are cute," I said as I kissed her forehead and closed my notebook to give her more attention. "Are you hungry?" I spoke when I noticed my stomach making strange noises.

She just nodded but she stopped me for standing up so abruptly. "We can eat in 20 minutes," she said again, hugging me tightly and shifting her body into a more comfortable posture. "I need this," she said quietly.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Tell me more about your book, Matthew," she said, and I listened, so I began talking about my forthcoming huge endeavor, also known as my book.
After a few minutes of snuggling, I noticed what she wanted from me. Yes, it was some sort of love, but Heaven was one thirsty girl. She is becoming an even bigger nymphomaniac since I met her.

Her mischievous hands were wandering over my pj's, purposely stroking my personal aera so that small moans escape my lips while I was still talking about kids books and monsters I wanted to make for them. "You can not be horny when I talk about monsters," I joked, but she took it personally.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I'm like that because of you," she says, her hand now in my pjs, fiddling with the waistband of my boxers. "And you are hard because of me, I do not see a problem here..." she shrugged as an answer.

I tried so hard to say no, but when I am with her, I become a terribly weak man. "Heaven," I said as I tried to stop it since it was too early.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Yes daddy?"
I was a dead man at this point.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "No words now?" she pouted her lower lips as she caressed me again, this time with her warm fingertips on my exposed flesh. I fit her perfectly everywhere.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I- just-" she cut me off.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Save those words for the book about me, okay?" I only nodded, my head pulled back in the armchair before I could fall her lips around me, playing with me as if I were a toy. Sucking me like a lollypop.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Fuck baby," I murmured as I felt the back of her throat squeezing my tip as she choked on it.

My hands were still holding her hair, still regulating her tempo, and she did not like it, so she pushed back to regain her independence in this, and with her motions I came in unexpectedly quickly. "Let me hear you, daddy, you better write an erotic book about us," she said to me after her job was finished and she had created a mess in my lap.

Before kissing her, I lifted her back on one leg and moved her damp hair away from her face. "If it is erotic, they will find out about what we do," I mumbled against her skin as I tried to remove her top.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "That is the point, but I want to be anonymous," she giggled as I cursed her bra.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I will think about it, now let me do a very important job", my arms were in her hair and we moved on floor, on furry carpet that she make me buy it for our living room.

That was the night I almost confessed my feelings to her, but it was like she already knew what am I going to do - she just stopped me. It wasn't like she didn't feel the same, she was scared of hearing those words leaving my lips just like that - I understand that.