LUST FOR LIFE, matthew gray gubler ✔

be mine

━━ matthew ━━

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ I want everything, yet love is ephemeral. She despise me, yet I want her - if only for a second.  I can be patient, man, if it is for her sake. Why am I so messed up because of her? There are many other women in the world, and I am looking for her closeness and vivid young heart.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ It should to be mine.
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ She should be mine; I can not afford to lose her. What kind a guy would I be if I let my natural stubbornness win this struggle, even if it meant losing the love of my life?

To lose my sun.
My moon.
My rain.
My bunny.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ Too much cheap wine was in my system, causing the alcohol in my blood to rise, and she is still on my mind. Whatever I do, she appears to be laying inside my body, squashed up between my ribs. My heart is being punched. It is getting scars.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ If that is love, I want it. I want to feel misery as a result of loving and keeping her.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ But that was before I got intoxicated on cheap wine in this saints' club.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Two is not enough for me anymore; one is recording everything and the other is already breathing quickly and moaning on top of me.

Why am I doing this?
Why, Matthew, why?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Nobody, not even them, can replace her. She is one-of-a-kind. Only one on the entire word, and I had her.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Did I really lose her? I get back her, not in a terrible manner, but she is easy to manipulate - until she is the one doing it.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I was not mentally present in this old and rusted hotel room, but my body was, laying on ugly bedding with blondie on me. My mind is not allowing me to awaken from my daydream. But I have to - I must.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I pushed her away with half my strength; we were all bewildered, yet wasted, so it did not matter. I quickly changed back into my clothes and gathered my belongings before leaving them in that old hotel room.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ Every street I drive down takes me back to her bedroom, filled with the fresh smell of her favorite perfume little black dress.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Is she missing me yet? It is my turn to find out, but I had bad luck tonight because her elevator failed and I had to use the stairs. Drunkenly climbing the stairs?! This is a lethal combination.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I knocked on her door a couple times while attempting to remain normal, and to my astonishment, that goddamned boy opened instead of her. "You looking for someone?" he says oddly.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I am looking for H-," I tried to say, and then she appeared next to him, pushing him away from the doors as a hint that she could take over from here.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "So you are that Matthew guy?!" he asked, suspiciously.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Heaven," I say, still staring at her big eyes on her gorgeous face. She had not expected me.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Matthew," she said again, trying to mask her amazement.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "We need to talk"

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I do not want to talk with you"

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "If it is about a leaked photo..." she abruptly halted me. "We look hot in that photo, so no, it is all about you," she said as she slammed the door behind us.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ My gaze was drawn to her scarcely covered body. With all my might, I tried not to ask her one specific question. But, after all, I am a weak man.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Did you sleep with him now?" she simply sighed.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "No," her little response was attempting to convey more than simply the word no.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I thought to myself, she is not like me. Maybe it will not sting as much if I do not tell her. "We did not sleep together, but you need to go home now," she said, ignoring my attempts to approach her.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ I knew she was the one after she dumped that jerk and then insisted on driving me home.  I did not ask her to do anything; she just wanted to help me.  My body merely held her from the side as she unlocked my doors, trying to do something... I am not sure what.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ My body hit the soft bed a minute later, with her sitting on the edge next to me.

"You smell on some bitches..." she mumbled.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I will shower for you," I murmured as I stood up.  "If you stay..." I said carefully, watching her body language.

She just nodded. She will stay.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ And all I can think about saying to her is ; be mine,  be mine , be mine.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ As she snuggled against me, I wrapped my hands over her, pressing my head on hers. "Be mine Heaven"

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ She just told me to sleep. Heaven and her emotions were on another level, she was scared to show them to me. Little does she knows, I'm scared too.