LUST FOR LIFE, matthew gray gubler ✔

sweet love of mine

━━ matthew ━━

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ Morning came faster than ever after such a hectic and lengthy night. As I tried to get up, she moved herself closer to me, sleeping in my arms, snuggled in my torso. That was my cue to stay in bed a little later than I had anticipated.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ It is a good thing she stayed, but it is more of an overnight stay because I am too exhausted to leave. I could not lie about her behavior because I understood her personality. My head is completely messed up from last night, the ecstasy we took was not a good choice - but I would never acknowledge it out loud.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Those things we did only made me think about her more; who are we after months of seeing each other? We can not just be friends, especially because I need her for the rest of my life. She is the one I am looking for.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Her sleepy eyes were fixated on my face, peering through her lashes and gently smiled. "Matthew!" She called me several times before I returned to reality.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Baby," I said as I kissed her on the cheek. "I thought you would never wake up," I joked...

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "You got me good," she murmured against my cheek, and before I could react, her lips were pushed against mine, leaving a single small kiss.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I need to brush my teeth first," she leaped out of bed, but then she realized how weak her legs were. I just laughed at her reply. "It is not funny," she said.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I soon joined her in the bathroom, cleaning my teeth as well. And when I turned on the water in the bathtub to wash our bodies after a long night together, she did not hesitate to join me. And there we are, nestled together in Bath, as the gentle perfume of lavender and mint relaxes our brains.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ We chatted about things we seldom talk about, and it felt great to have a normal morning with her. We were both so damaged on the inside that we could not do anything but lie in bed.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ She wanted to stay and asked if she could.  Now I am scared she will be influenced by our relationship, making her feel horrible for doing anything, unhappy, or guilty.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎━━ ‎ I want my words could come out of my mouth, telling her all the lovely things I think about her entire person.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎━━ ‎ "You can tell me anything, I see that you are inside your thoughts," she said, patting my chest softly, as if she was afraid to touch me at all.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "I will not abandon you if you confess your sinfull thoughts to me," she said again, as if she was an expert at abandoning me.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I felt safe with her, so I opened my heart to her. I am thinking of giving her my flesh if she promises not to abuse it.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎━━ So... I revealed my feelings and thoughts toward her. She began to cry after that. And I felt awful about it. So I cried beside her. I wasn't very confessing kind of a man but with her, I was everything she wanted me to be.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ What a great moment to share together, weak and at the lowest point of our lives.

  ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ━━ I was in the kitchen making mac and cheese for us when I heard her loud footsteps and hesitant voice approaching from behind. "Can I wear your clothes?" she asked as she approached me from behind.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I simply nodded and turned to face her, glancing at her puffy eyes and moving her front bits of hair behind her ear. "You can Heaven, always"

For a while, you will be in my heart, I thought.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ "Thank you, my loverman," she said, pressing a delicate kiss on my cheek before moving to the left to kiss me on the lips. Is this what our future holds? Kissing, being nice, and sharing cute moments?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Why does it feel wrong? Why does it feel this way, as if it should not happen or that something horrible will happen instead?

I watched her laugh at my bad dad jokes, I watched her sleep and I just couldn't believe that she's staying in my room, here with me. Sweet love of mine if you only knew rest of the things I wanna say to you...

You would run away and hide from me. You would simply ruin me for good.