The Book of Gemma VOL. 2

7: THE BLACK HOLE

"NOW" I shout to Aries and Deecon as I feel both of them try to pull me out.

Deecon tries to bring me back, "Come back to me, Gem! Please!"

I feel my fingers start to slip and the knots I've created in the string of memories start to detangle. My middle finger manages to lift up and I feel the pull of Deecon behind me, I crash backwards into his arms and see the puddle of silver that oozed from my nose. I go to wipe my eyes from the blurriness and realize the silver wasn't just coming from my nose but my eyes.

"Gem!.. Gem! Are you okay?" Deecon panics.

My hands shake as I hold them up to my eyes,

"I.. I know why I'm here.. Why Aries is here..."

I turn to Deecon and keep my mouth from continuing, the purple hue of his eyes confirming my fears. He wasn't different because he was a human and given the stars, he was different because.. He isn't human. I keep this thought from leaving my tongue and sending Deecon into a spiral. I've never gone that far back in his memories, why would I ever have the thought that he wasn't from this world? But he was.. Made for me.

My hands shake as I raise them to his temple, Aries grabs my wrist to stop me.
"You will break your mind if you cram another confirmed suspicion."

The memories I returned to Aries had shifted part of his personality. He now knows everything I had seen and yet he stands like stone, unlike me who is in a puddle of my own blood, begging to see more.

'If you find a memory of Deecon on Paradise.. He will remember it too.. Do not pull him into the depths along with you.' Aries whispers into my mind.

I look back at Deecon, anger filling him as he sees Aries firm grip on my wrist.

"What did you see, Gem?" My attention is now grabbed by Deecon's question.

"A black hole of nightmares." I tremble.

I was never the same after that night, I felt empty. My bones felt hollowed out and my chest felt like a pocket of air. After that night of seeing Aries memories, I locked myself in my room on Sky while Aries finishes the final touches to the new civilization. He felt different too, of course he wouldn't explain to me what he was feeling but I knew.. I knew the memories of our times together were eating at him. He started to look at me as if I betrayed him, falling in love with Deecon. The mess of bodies I killed was my burden to carry and he was feeling ashamed for being brainwashed so easily by a sensational beauty of the stars.

Edna and Deecon plan out ship departures for the people of Sky to be transported down to Lower. They were to be placed in a week's time, groups had gathered outside my house at all hours, protesting my new order. Signs and shouting of their disgust in my leadership had made me remove the window wall in my room.

I sit crisscrossed on the ground in the shower as the water falls on my back. I told Deecon everything about Aries memories, leaving out the purple eyes. I don't like keeping things from him but this one I kept, unsure of how to deal with it.. Or even wanting to know more about it. He tries every morning to get me to go outside, I just remain silent as the screams of innocent species being ripped apart echo through my mind. I told myself I would never be the darkness and yet.. I was the creator of such an act. I was the sinner, I was the damned soul. Lucifer should have pulled my beating heart from my chest the second he met me all those years ago.

All I wanted to do was cry, to mourn the loss of my soul. I tightly shut my eyes, begging for moisture to drop. I wanted both dark and light to work together, to let me feel the sadness but my dark side purred at the new memories of destruction. It missed the times I let it release into the world, no tug of restraint.
This whole time I thought I was thinking for myself, choosing what I want in this life and Vyx had set everything in motion. Making me live with disobedient sinners, making me live out my days in frustration, anger, and feeling powerless.

Aries finding out that Deecon was somehow involved with his torment had left only a couple words between us. The memories of our time together on Veedu showed us the love we had for one another. World ending passion to die together rests in our heads and yet now we act like strangers, despite the year of friendship we had gained upon his arrival. Aries knew that Deecon had no clue to what he is in Vyx's plan, but still gave him a cold shoulder and snap replies. He no longer smiled at acts of kindness from humans, no longer laughed at Deecon's jokes, he barely even looked me in the eyes after that night. All I wanted was to talk about it but his actions were infectious and left me to torture myself in silence.

Edna even tried to get me out of my room a few times but after Deecon had filled her in, she stopped physically trying to drag me from my room and began just sitting next to me, telling me about her day. She tried so desperately to make the day just feel normal for me, that I wasn't going through a mental breakdown.

It only got worse, I couldn't even go to the station to send off the people of Sky. My body is lifeless in bed all hours of the day and night. Deecon begged and pleaded for me to say a word, anything to show I am still alive but I remained silent. The darkness now restrains my vocal chords and paralyzes my body. I had warned myself to not go down the rabbit hole and now I feel like my very stars are starting to form a black hole in my chest. My eyes barely saw my surroundings, vivid images of the destruction I created played through the day and the screams ring my ears at night. I couldn't escape it, I was at the very bottom of the ocean, no light dared to tread there. My stars were burning but felt pressurized, no sweet words or memories were bringing me back.