Goodbye. {Shawn Mendes Fanfic}

The phone call

"Why are you here?" My mom asks examining my head. "I got into a fight. I'm fine though thanks for asking." I say sarcastically and she takes Shawn and I into a hospital room. "Don't get smart. You shouldn't be fighting anyways." She says and I roll my eyes. "See I would explain what happened but my head hurts and I don't feel like it."

"Watch your attitude Santana." She warns and I roll my eyes. "Shawn what happened?" She asks Shawn and he looked a little panicked. "She got jumped by a group of girls."

I glare at Shawn and he gives me this look pleading me not to tell. "Well you do have a concussion, I'll be back in a few minutes." My mom says and walks out the room.

"You can leave." I say looking at Shawn. "Santana I am so sorry." Shawn says and I roll my eyes. "I don't want you here." I say looking down at the ground.

"Excluding today when have I ever put my hands on you to hurt you. I would never hurt you on purpose Santana." Shawn says with tears building up in his eyes.

"Why didn't you do anything about it then?" I ask Shawn trying to hold back my tears. "I felt pressured." Was all he says. "You have your own thoughts and opinions." I say and he looks at me with sad eyes.

"I know that." He says running his hands through his hair. "I'm so sorry Santana." He sighs. "I have to go if you still have my number call me later." He says before walking out the small room.

My mom came back in the room and looked at me. "Where's Shawn?" She asked confused. "I'm surprised you even remember him." I say and she laughs. "I'm still friends with his mom." She says filling out some paperwork. "Oh yeah right." I say while rolling my eyes.

"So I'll pick up some pain killers on the way home, I'll have your dad pick you up. Go home and sleep don't not use your phone, computer or watch Tv. Don't blast your music like you always do and obviously avoid physical activity and ice your head for ten to twenty minutes. okay?"

"Okay." I said and she left once again to call my dad. Soon my dad came to the hospital to pick me up. I grabbed my stuff and my dad helped me to his car. "Do you want to go to sonics before we go home? You can get a shake or slushy." He says starting the car and driving down the street. I agree and he orders two shakes.

"Who were the girls that jumped you?" He asked and I tell him I don't remember what happened or who it was. "You don't remember anything?" He asked a little skeptical. "I don't remember anything." I repeat and he stays quiet. We go home and I go up to my room.

My phone was dead so I decided to charge it. Once my phone turned on I instantly got a lot of notifications. A lot of them were text messages from people who forwarded the video of me getting beat up to the entire school. I read some of the things people said in the group chat that I was put in.

Haha that's what that slut deserves.

Why doesn't she just kill herself already? I can't stand her face it makes me want to choke the life out of her.

SAME! She should cut deeper next time. Hopefully she'll hit a vein and die.

I slammed my phone down on the night stand and began to cry into my pillow. Soon my phone started ringing, I let it ring. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. The person continued to call back until I finally got annoyed and answered.

"Hello." I said with noticeable annoyance present in my voice."Santana?" The voice asked and I already knew it was Shawn. "Goodbye." I pull the phone away from my ear. I hear Shawn begging me not to hang up. "Fine." I say annoyed and he released a breath he was obviously holding in. "You have five minutes." I say and he begins to talk.

"I was so stupid Santana, I never meant to hurt you. I honestly feel really really really really really bad and I want to make it up to you." Shawn says and I roll my eyes even though he can't see me. "You can't fix this Shawn." I say letting a tear fall from my eyes thinking about the fun we had in the past.

"You've hurt me for over four years. Throughout Middle school I was bullied because I wasn't as skinny as the rest of the girls, then when I stopped eating and lost so much weight you guys all made fun of me because I was so skinny. You and your friends caused me to lose all respect and confidence for myself. You made me so depressed that I started to harm myself because I didn't like the way I looked and how everyone hurt me. I get death threats just for being alive, I get jumped by not only you and your friends but girls that use to be my best friends. You didn't only fuck me up physically but you fucked me up mentally." I stop and cry harder. "Do you know what is like to wake up in the morning and hate yourself for waking up? Do you know what is like to look in the mirror and hate the person staring back at you? Do you know what is like to constantly want to die? Do you know what it's like to feel all alone in a crowded room? Do you know what it's like to not have anyone here for you,to help you with you problems and be there to support you? Do you know how any of those emotions feel?"

"No." Was all he said. The line was quite and I heard him sniffling.

"Santana I know sorry isn't going to fix what I've done but I need you to forgive me. I can't have you hating me for the rest of your life. I want you to look past all this so we can at least try to be friends again. I am honestly so sorry, I feel so bad honestly." He says and I can sense that he's being sincere. But I'm not ready to forgive him, maybe in the future but right now I just can't. "I'm sorry Shawn. I just can't forgive you, not right now." I say wiping away the tears underneath my eyes. I hear Shawn sigh.

"Can you explain what depression feels like?" He randomly asked and I was honestly a little taken back by his random question.

"Depression is like drowning in the middle of the ocean where nobody can hear you scream and cry out for help. Yeah you have the few seconds where you come up for air to breath but then you're unexpectedly pulled back down under the water deeper than you were before. Depression is like a war you either win or die trying."

"I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of that because of me." Shawn says with his voice cracking. "It's not only you that makes me feel this way. It's the world." I say and both of us get silent. "Santana I really am sorry. To make it up to you I want to take you out once you get better."

"It's okay you don't have to." I say not wanting to hang out with Shawn although he did apologize.

Saying sorry isn't going to fix things. Saying sorry is like throwing a glass plate onto the ground saying sorry and expect for the plate to fix itself.

"Santana please let me take you out." Shawn begs "Sorry I have to go." I say and hang up before shawn could stop me. I let out a breath of frustration before burying my face in to the pillow.