Goodbye. {Shawn Mendes Fanfic}

Accidents

"Santana?" Shawn asked and I looked over at him. "Some of the guys want to hang out with us today at the beach. Do you want to go or should I say we already made plans?" He says and I look at him like he's stupid.

"You can't seriously be asking me that question!" I exclaim while looking at him. "What? This is a good chance to get to know the guys, they're a lot nicer than you think." Shawn says trying to convince me. "No, I can't do it Shawn." I says but he keeps trying to get me to go with him. "Shawn I'm not going and that's final. "It's one time! Why can't you just do it for me?!" He yelled. I looked up from the ground to see a very angry and frustrated Shawn only two feet away from me. "Fine." I finally agreed and Shawn looked up at me. "Thank you." Is all he said before I rolled my eyes and ignored him. I grabbed a black tank top a pair of shorts that were long enough to cover the scars on my upper thighs and a light blue bikini. I'm not planning on going into the water but just in case Shawn or one of the guys decide they want to throw me in the water with my clothes on I'm prepared.

I grabbed my phone and the clothes that I recently just picked out and walked into the bathroom. I turned the water on and played some music. I got into the shower left alone with my own thoughts. Too many thoughts were rushing through my head at once and I quickly became overwhelmed. I eventually just broke down. I couldn't help but cry. After ten minutes I tried my best to stop crying but nothing was working.

It was like I couldn't move, my heart was racing and my chest was pounding making everything hard to breath. I feel lightheaded as if I could die right here. I sat on the floor and buried head in my knees just crying. I was uncontrollably shaking trying to get these thoughts out of my head, but I didn't know what to do. I was scared and lonely.

"Santana!" I heard Shawn exclaim through the door while knocking on it. I tried to open my mouth and say something but no words came out. "Please be okay." He begged through the door. I heard quick footsteps on the other side of the door before I heard the door nob start shaking. I soon heard the door bust open, the water in the shower was soon turned off and A towel was wrapped around me. "You're okay, just breathe." Shawn says holding me close to him and rubbing my back until I was completely calm. Shawn's presence calmed me down a lot, it made me feel safe.

After I was completely calm Shawn stood up and helped me up out of the shower. "Are you okay?" He asked looking into my eyes for an honest answer. "I'm better now. Thank you." I said giving Shawn a weak smile. He kissed my forehead before smiling at me. "I'll be outside the door if you need anything. Okay?" He asked and I nodded I agreement.

I felt embarrassed. I didn't want Shawn to see my like that, he always sees me when I'm at my lowest.

I wipe my eyes and start to get ready for the day. I changed into my clothes and blow dried my hair since it was wet from the shower. I put my hair in a messy bun and walked out of the bathroom. Shawn picked me up and pecked my lips. "I love you so much." Shawn says squeezing me tightly walking around the house with me in his arms. Shawn carried me into the kitchen and gave me a cold water bottle from the fridge.

"Thank you." I say before taking a sip of the water. "So do you...umm... maybe want to talk about it?" Shawn asked nervously scratching the back of his neck. "I had a panic attack that's it." I say and Shawn nods before going through the cupboards looking for something. "Are you hungry?" Shawn asks and I shake my head no. "Are you sure you don't want to eat anything?" Shawn asked. "Yes I'm sure." I say and he nods pouring himself a bowl of cereal. There was an awkward silence between the two of us so I decided to go upstairs to my room and go on my phone.

I went in instagram and liked a few pictures. Then I went on snapchat and watched everyone's stories.

"Are you ready?" Shawn asked and I rolled my eyes before climbing out of bed I followed behind Shawn to his jeep. I got in the passenger seat he turned on the radio and we drove to Malibu to meet the guys.

***

Once we got to the beach we found the guys playing volleyball. "Hey guys." Shawn greets them and they all wave at Shawn. I noticed Nash and Taylor glaring at me. Gilinsky wasn't here yet, I think he was coming with Raymond since he was hanging out with Raymond this weekend and Gilinsky is suppose to be here according to Shawn.

Soon a jeep pulls out and I instantly hear Raymond's voice. I'm saved!!!! As Jack and Raymond walk in our direction I see Jack with an angry expression. "Why is she here?" Gilinsky asked nobody in particular. "I don't know ask Shawn." Nash said rolling his eyes.

"You stay and have fun with the guys." I say to Shawn and he nods while I walk as far away from them as possible. "Santana!" I heard Raymond call after me. I turn and waited for Raymond to catch up to me. He smiled at me and I gave him a weak smile. "Are you okay?" He asked and I nodded. "Yeah I'm fine." I say as we walk up and down the shore. "Santana?" Raymond asked and I looked up at him. "Why do they treat you like that?" He asked and I shrugged. "Apparently a few of them liked me in 7th or 8th grade and I went out with a guy that was using me to them mad I guess. I don't really know the complete reason, it makes no sense to me. Plus most of them already have girlfriends, I don't understand why they're still trying to get to me." I honestly say to Raymond and he nods telling me he understands what I'm saying.

"Someone as pretty as you doesn't deserve to be hurt by them. You're beautiful in every way possible, okay?" Raymond says and I nod looking at the ground since I probably looked like a bright red apple. He put his finger under my chin lifting it up so I was looking at him. We looked each other in the eyes and I got lost in his beautiful grey eyes. "You're beautiful, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He says in a hushed tone moving closer to my face. He cupped my left cheek with his right hand before smashing his lips onto mine, without thinking I kissed back. After a few seconds his free hand was wrapped around my torso pulling me closer to him.

"Are you fucking serious Santana?!" I hear Shawn yell we both pull away and I look at Shawn. His friends were behind him laughing at me. "I told you she was a slut!" Taylor laughed and Shawn glared at him, Taylor threw his hands up in defeat and Shawn looked at me in disbelief. "I hate you." Shawn says. Those three words hit me in the feels harder than a bullet going through someone's heart. "You don't mean that." I say with tears building in my eyes. "Yes Santana, I do mean it. I hate you and everything about you. You're nothing but a two timing slut. Maybe I should've listened to my friends when they told me you were bad news, maybe if I listened I wouldn't have fallen in love with you and got my heart broken." He says before walking away.

I fell to my knees and began uncontrollably sobbing, how could he say he hates me? Just a few hours ago he loved me so much. Was it all an act to mess with my head? "Santana it's okay." Raymond says crouching down to my level. He put his hand on my shoulder trying to calm me down but I immediately pushed his hand away "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yell at him. "What just happened was a mistake! I didn't mean to kiss back, I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry if you felt that I lead you on but that was the last thing I was trying to do. I'm... I'm sorry for everything." I cry running away from Raymond.

I sit on a bench and called an Uber.

I want to go home and forget about everything and everyone.