Liar, Liar, the Mage's Desire Vol. 3 (Return of the Oumeno)

The Mage, the Jester, and The Meanie Queen (2)

    Himiko Red, the little mage, pranced sleepily through the woods, humming to herself. She was on her way back to her cottage after performing a magic show for the townspeople. Little did she know that she was being watched. 

   "Nyeh...somedaaay my prince will come," Himiko sang in a tired voice. She paused her singing to stare out into space and think. She then let out a sheepish giggle. "That's all the words I know," she said before continuing her walk. Finally making it to her cottage, Himiko Red opened the door and yawned, stretching her arms into the air, and slipping into her bed. "Nyeeeh...time for a looong nap." Once she got snuggled in, she heard a knock at her door. Sighing, Himiko turned around around. "Who is it?!" she yelled testily.

   "It is a friendly, old lady here to ask you a question, dearie," came the voice of the meanie queen in her elderly woman disguise. Grumbling, Himiko rolled her eyes and left her bed. She stomped towards the door to open it. The queen was holding a basket full of apples.

    "I was trying to sleep," Himiko Red pouted. 

   "Now, now, dearie, this will only take a moment," the queen promised. She reached into her basket and handed Himiko Red a very shiny apple. "I'm, uh...in the...Old Lady Scouts, yeah, that's right! I'm in the Old Lady Scouts, and we go door-to-door selling apples every now and then. Would you like an apple, dearie?"

   "No," Himiko Red replied. "I've never eaten an apple in my entire life."

   "The hell?! " the queen shouted. "Oh! I mean...why ever not, dearie? Apples are delicious! You know the saying, 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away?'" Himiko Red shook her head in response. 

   "Nyeh...I've never eaten an apple because I can't reach them on the trees," she explained. "So, I don't bother."

   "Well, today is your lucky day!" the queen exclaimed, shoving the shiny apple in Himiko Red's face. "Here! Take it!"

   "I can't," Himiko Red said.

   "Why not?! Just take the damn thing!" the queen shouted in annoyance. "Er...I mean, why not, dearie?"

   "I don't know how to eat apples," Himiko Red simply replied. The queen facepalmed. 

   "You gotta be shittin' me!" she exclaimed. "You're tellin' me you can't even figure it out your damn self?!"

    "I don't wanna figure it out because I don't want an apple!" Himiko Red insisted. "And why did your voice change all of a sudden?"

    "Who gives a damn? Just eat the shit and we can get on with our lives!" the queen spat. Himiko Red crossed her arms and turned her face away.

   "No. You can't make me," she said. 

   "You seriously wouldn't buy an apple from an old lady?!" the queen asked incredulously. "What a bitchy move!"