I can't be you; Billie eilish

Eight

⚠️ self harm—— do not continue reading if you are sensitive to the following topics⚠️

•self harm
•suicide
•pet loss

"Nope. Demetria fuck. Put that shit down." Billie said while storming into the room. She snatched the blade out of the girls hand but it was already too late.
    Billie looked down to see what the wet substance on her hands was and saw it was blood. The silver blade was also covered in a thick coat of blood.
   She grabbed Demi by her uninjured hand and guided her into the bathroom, all while Demi's older siblings were in the the next room over, with their friends.
    "I don't know why you do this shit but it hurts me just as well as it hurts you. I never want to see you doing this ever again. Hear me? Never again." Billie said while tossing the silver blade out the bathroom window before searching the drawers for the first aid kit.
    She finally found it and slammed it on the counter.
  "This is unbelievable. Why would you want to hurt yourself Demetria?" Billie was so disappointed, not only disappointed in Demi but disappointed in herself for not reading the signs.
   "Billie I-"
"Save it Demi. You should have called me before you did this. How do you think your younger self would feel about this?"
    Billie wet a cloth and wiped the blood away from the surrounding area of the wound before carefully dressing it and securing it.
   Those words stuck like a knife in Demi's chest. How do you think your younger self would feel about this.
    It's worse than a knife. It's like taking a handful of blades, screws, needles and glass and swallowing them.
   Demi was sure she wouldn't do this again. Because now she feels incredibly guilty.
   "Now go lie down while I discard of the rest of them." She said while pointing to Demi's bed.
    "T-they're in the pill bottle in the closet over there." Demi said with her head hanging low as she went to sit on her bed.
   Billie opened the closet door and snatched the pill bottle full of razor blades and began pouring them into the toilet.
    "Anymore I should know about?" Billie said, her voice softening as she noticed the girl curled up on the bed.
   "No." Demi whispered.
Billie took a deep breath and turned around, trying not to further upset the girl that was crying.
   "Demi. I'm sorry." Was all Billie could get out.
    She slowly approached the girl and laid down beside her, wrapping her left arm around her body.
    "It's fine Billie. You don't understand."
"I want to understand. I'll be back to get you at 9. Dress comfy." Billie got up and grabbed her keys before running down the stairs, leaving Demi alone in her bedroom.
   Sure enough it was nine o'clock.
Billie was waiting outside in her car and Demi had to sneak out.
     "How's your arm?" She asked while signaling to the bandage wrapped around her left wrist.
   "It hurts."
"Demi I know I was pretty harsh about it but I just don't want you doing that stuff to your body. I want you to call me next time. Shit I don't care what I'm doing just fucking call me and I'll drop everything to come help."
    Billie was being so incredibly nice and Demi didn't know why. Why would she want to help her with self harm and suicidal tendencies?
   That was soon to be answered.

  "I used to cut. I used to do all types of drugs hoping one day I wouldn't wake up. I used to leave my cats water bowl empty while I filled my glass with water to chase down a handful of pills. That shit is stuck now. That's my past and I can't change it but I can change yours so you don't feel the constant guilt and consequences of wanting to end your life. There's more ahead of you than you think. You just have to explore out of your comfort zone until you find who you're truly meant to be."

Demi would have never believed it if someone told her 8 months ago that Billie would be opening up to her. But she is opening up, to guide her onto the right path of life choices.

   "Don't be like me Demi. Don't lock your cat out of the bathroom to cut yourself, don't fill your cup with water and not his bowl, have your meals together instead of starving yourself. Don't try to take your life because of you do, your cat will wait for you to come back to feed it, to snuggle it."
    Billie wiped her tears and started the car.
  Brina was Demi's everything. She's a beautiful black cat with emerald green eyes and she the best companion anyone could ever ask for. So when billie talked about her own cat, it made Demi realize how much Brina actually meant to her.
     "Where are we going tonight?" Demi asked through the tears cutting her face.
    "Late night picnic."