Winter Sun- Larry Stylinson

October 28th.

Turning the corner a little faster than usual I knocked right into Louis.

Stumbling back like a fucking idiot. "Sorry." I mumbled out. "Jesus Christ slow down would you. Gonna fucking kill somebody if you walk any faster."

"I didn't mean to I just didn't know you'd be walking that close to the corner." He throws his arms up. "Well I was. Fucking sue me. Walk fucking slower you stupid little twig."

"That's really mean." I could hear the footsteps getting closer. "Harry!"

Pushing Louis back with me I push us both into the cleaning cupboard, which wasn't as big as I'd enjoyed. "Harry!"

"Why did you drag me in here with you?" I wanted to die. "I panicked I'm sorry. Please don't go out there. The entire football team is after me cause I turned there ball into a glitter bomb."

"Why?" The room was getting smaller, I swear. "Cause he called me a- he just deserved it. I don't even like boys and I don't ever really care what they call me but it pissed me off."

"You sure you don't?" It was getting harder to breathe. "Yeah no I'm sure. I think. Fuck- shut up you're not helping."

"So you're not sure if you're gay?" I cover over his mouth. "Please stop talking. I feel sick and I'm going to die."

"No it's just funny because you seem the type who would. Not like- in a bad way, it's just that you seem pretty comfortable in yourself." I laughed a little. "I am I just don't think I'm gay." He nods. "You need to breathe."

"I can't." Sliding down the wall I started to feel dizzy. Sitting down against the wall Louis follows. "Deep breaths."

Pressing my hands into my chest I tried to make it stop. Struggling as much as I'd imaged I would. "Louis I can't breathe."

"Okay, you're okay. Come on— three seconds in three seconds out." He holds his hands over my cheeks. Breathing in with me.

Or I'd tried to. "It's okay. We've got time. Just try again. You're alright." I take a breath in with him.

"There we go. You're doing good just keep doing that. Everything's fine. It's just a room, it's just you and me in the room okay. You're safe I promise."

Once I'd calmed down my heart started racing for reasons I wasn't even sure of.

"What about you?" Louis shakes his head. "I don't- think I— I'm not." His eyes flick between my eyes and my lips quickly. "No?"

"No." My heart was beating in my throat. I wasn't even sure on what to say or do.

My mind was blank and I could only really find myself enjoying one outcome of all this. It wasn't an outcome he would've enjoyed.

Yet I found myself leaning closer. My hands shaking and my heart pounding.

I wasn't even sure why I wanted it. Maybe he was a little feminine looking? Or maybe it's the way he smells? Maybe his eyes? Maybe I'm still a little out of it?

Maybe if he was a girl I would've done it quicker.

I wish he was a girl.

His hands fell from my face and rested on my thighs. That same pitiful look in his eye that I had in mine.

Moving his hair slowly from his forehead I wondered if it was the way he spoke.

Or maybe it's the way he sits and looks at me.

Maybe it's that his hands were soft and small. I
Or his stupid smile.

The closer I got the kissing him the further away I felt from figuring it out. I'd brushed my finger over his lip a thousand times but I couldn't seem to remember the feeling.

He sort of smelt like vanilla. A strong smell but it was soft.

Grazing my lips over his I felt a small grip on my thighs. His mouth closing as he swallows back, my dry mouth made this worse. So I did the same.

My fingers curling in his hair as I pulled him closer. Curling my lips over his as they closed.

My other hand resting in his cheek holding him close so he didn't push me away. But he didn't even try.

Somehow kissing him was the most I'd felt in years.

His hands pushed against my jeans and I'd slowly started to feel like this was the worst thing I could've done.

Pushing him away I could feel myself getting worse. "Sorry." I choked out.

Stumbling up and out of the room. Grabbing my board and making my way out of the school.

The breeze was sort of nice on my face. But it wasn't helping anything else.

I couldn't help but laugh at it. I just ran away from it for no reason. But I couldn't have gone back it would've been worse.

I'd just skated home and hidden myself in my paintings.

I didn't paint anything I just sat there and tried not to think about it. Every time I did I smiled which should've been a good sign.

But it made my heart hurt so I couldn't think about it too much.

But now he's in my head so I couldn't do much about that. "Fucking damn it." I groaned, still smiling like an idiot.

With the irony of it all I think I'd prefer him to not be a girl the more I'd thought about it.

"Harry we're back!" Jordan yells. "I'm in the back room!" I wasn't sure I could say anything to anybody. "You feeling any better?"

"Yeah." I could feel his hands on my thighs. That wasn't good. "You sure?"

"Mhm. Yeah no I'm fine." They both nod at me slowly. "If you say so. What are you painting?"

"I'm not sure yet." My heart was racing, everywhere other than in my chest. "Well we have to go get some groceries and Jordan wants to go to target for some cd so we'll see you later okay."

"Okay. Have fun." The front door shut and I'd started pacing. Pushing all the pressure to my arm hoping it would stop. It didn't.

"Fuck!" Holding my fingers over my lips I felt my heart finally start to beat again. "Fuck."