Winter Sun- Larry Stylinson

November 22nd.

"Harry- oh, honey what's wrong?" I stayed curled up by the end of my bed covered over with the top half of the blanket. "Did you want me to call Louis?"

"No." I hadn't moved all night. "Okay. Okay talk to me honey, what's wrong?" She pulls me onto her lap, brushing her hands over my hair.

"Did he leave you?" I couldn't see anything, my eyes were burning. "No."

"Did you make him leave?" I felt sick. "Oh, kid what happened? What did you do? I thought you liked him."

"He likes guys." I cried out. Her breathing was shaky. "Right."

"He's going to hate me and I don't want him to hate me when he leaves me. My heart hurts, I didn't want him to leave but he won't like me."

"He calls you his girl all the time." She says. "Yeah as a joke cause he can't talk about being with a guy. He doesn't know what it means to me though."

"Honey i don't think you've really taken in the amount that he cares about you. I don't think he cares about who you want to be I think he just likes you. Call him-"

Her phone started ringing and we both looked at it confused. "It's Louis. Hold on."

She stands up, stepping out of the room and closing the door. I didn't move, I wasn't sure I could.

I fucked up.

I can't be with him for more than a week without one of us fucking it up.

I miss him.

I miss having him around.

It's only been a day but I feel like he's been gone for weeks. "Harry." She says quietly, her hand shaking with the phone pressed to her chest. "What happened."

"His dad got back a couple hours ago to grab something..." I didn't really hear what she said after that. I just knew where I had to go.

I couldn't find my board and I didn't remember how to drive.

So I ran.

Fucking pelted it actually.

My back was killing me and my eyes were dryer than I'd like to admit. "Louis Tomlinson?"

"Room 301." Fuck I hate hospitals, I'd spent half my fucking birthdays in the hospital. I hate the smell and the colour, I hate the fact that it's always so cold but you're so frantic that you start to sweat.

I hate the feeling that I get when I'm here.

"Shit." Making my way over I wrap my arms around him, my heart slowing down a little bit knowing he's safe. "I called Nina."

"I know." Kissing him carefully I keep my arms around him. "I didn't think you'd want to be here." If I could've hugged him any tighter I would. "I'm so sorry."

"I thought I lost you." His hands were shaky. "Louis I'm absolutely fucking terrified of hurting you but I've somehow managed it more than once."

"Whatever I've done I can fix, I'll fix it. I'll try too. Please don't leave." I wipe over his tears. "It's not anything you've done I just, there's just certain things that I don't think I can be for you."

"Like what? Harry you're the only thing in my life that I feel I got right. Please don't make me go through life without you. You're my only girl."

"That's my problem."

"Why would that ever be a problem?"

"You like guys."

"Oh- Harry, no. My love I like you. All of you. Every single part of you. Only you."

"You said you liked guys and I can't-" he stops me. "I like you. I like the way you are. I don't want anybody else."

"But I can't be a guy- I mean a I can just, I don't like, the idea of being that all the time." He smiles. "I want you how you are. Unless you have bread in your pockets, then I want you without the bread in your pockets."

"I ate it." He drops his head with a huff. "Harry if that's why you freaked out yesterday then I'm sorry, I didn't know you were going to get scared of it."

"You always said it as a joke. You call me your girl. I laugh. You laugh. Then we go back."

"Harry it was never a joke. I knew you didn't like being- who you'd forced yourself to be. You were finally just accepting that you might actually enjoy it and you always got so happy when I'd talk about you, you're my pretty girl. My only girl."

"I thought you were joking." He kisses my nose. "You like it? Being both, you like the make up and the perfume, you like the glitter, but you like your clothes how they are now?"

"Yeah. But you-" he shakes his head. "I like you. Both sides of you. The side you daydream about and the side you want people to see."

"But what if you get sick of me and you just want a guy?" He sighs. "It's not going to happen."

"But how'd you know?" He brushes his thumb over my lip. "The way you moved your hair from your face, the cologne smell turned to perfume, the mascara started appearing on your bottom lashes, the way you kissed me changed."

"You don't hate me?" My hands went cold. "I've never hated you Harry. Not even when I did."

His fingers curl around my jacket, pulling me down with a smile. "Harry." He whispers. "Yeah?" He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. "I have something to confess."

"Okay." I laugh. "I've been telling myself and other people that we've been dating since you first kissed me. Evan thinks I've had a girlfriend for the past month."

"Evan also thinks I have a crush on you." He puckers his lips. "You do. You have the fattest crush on me. Like it's huge."

Hm, can we go back to being stupid now? I miss just being around you and I miss my friends. We can go on a boat and we can drink and do stupid things."

"Best idea you've ever had my love." He kisses me squashing my face. "Thanks."