Winter Sun- Larry Stylinson

November 26th.

I hate thanksgiving. It's official. "Jordan's gonna drive you back to your hotel Jamie."

Everything was fine, it was perfect actually. Everyone was happy everything felt nice. Then Jamie started shit talking me again.

Now I was dead, I hate that look. As long as she was safe I didn't care too much but the look on his stupid little face made me sick. "Heather-"

"Jamie, let's go." Jordan wasn't exactly small, ex military, over 6 foot. He fucking looked scary. "You are exactly like your dad. You know that kid? Exactly like him. The way you look, talk, act. Everything. You're going to end up dead by 20 if you keep fucking living the way you do. Exactly like your brother."

I felt my heart actually stop. There was no jump, no skip no nothing.

It stopped. "Not again."

I'd fallen into Heathers arms and that was all I remembered.

*____-*

"I think I'm going to keep him in for a night, give him a few tests in the morning..." wiping my hand over my eyes I felt a warm hand rest over my cheek. "Hi."

Swallowing down the lump in my throat I push back my tears trying to focus on everything other the room.

"You don't need to do anymore tests." I mumbled, my throat was dry. "You have-"

"I know what I have. Don't go around telling everybody. It's fine. My bag has all my documents in them. Tests wouldn't do anything, you'd run tests, tell me I'm broken and then give me some tablets that I already have. I don't want anymore tests."

"Where are your documents?" I just wanted to sleep. "In my school bag."

"You carry your hospital files around with you?" Nina asks. "Yeah just in case I end up either dying or coming close."

I wanted to leave. I couldn't deal with being in here anymore.

"You never told me you had any problems." She seemed upset. "I don't really like to brag about my extra settings. My eyes are burning."

"Harry you need to have surgery." I laugh, my stomach kicking me in the throat. "Yeah I'd rather kill myself- which, is exactly what would happen. I do that surgery and I die. My body isn't stable enough, it's literally just an execution."

The doctor reads over the files again, her shoulders slowly deflating. "I didn't know, I didn't read it properly, I wasn't trying to-"

"No, no it's not your fault. It's fine. It's lien the sixth time and it's probably not the last. Don't worry about it. I just live with it it's not a big deal. I take my tablets they take me so far then I just deal with the rest of it."

"Isn't that painful?" Heather asks. "Mmm, not really. I mean it used to be when I was little but it just got easier with the tablets. Only really bothers me when I move wrong or something."

"That's why you have the separate room, I'm so stupid. That's why my dad's extra careful too." Evan pushes his way into the bed. "I don't understand what it actually is."

"Nobody knows. I just have a bone in my body that shouldn't be there. My hearts are little too fragile too but it's not a big deal. The bone is sort of up instead of sideways. Really hurts."

"Your body grew an extra bone? Upwards?" Darla laughs. "I know right? Like sometimes I'm just half asleep thinking 'hey, I have an extra bone' it's really weird."

"Isn't it going to rupture something?" Louis asks keeping hold of my hand. "No. It's not big it's just in my back. Near my tailbone, you know when you hit your tailbone? Yeah that's what this feels like but just- constantly."

"That's actually rancid." He heads a little. "I know. Could be worse, I can't really complain." The doctor nods. "You can. Did you want a higher dose? My mom has back problems too and she just got on these new ones, she says they're really good- that sounded, so unprofessional."

"No idea trust your mother." Evan says. "Yeah no absolutely. But I can't, my hearts not- good enough? I guess."

"No, no they're not that kind. It's a needle row, goes straight for your back. You both have similar kind of things and she's doing great."

"Oh, yeah I can, try it." She sticks her thumb up. "I'll go get you a first dose and you can test it here, we'll keep you in for a while just to be sure and you can see if you want it."

I just sat there and stared at the wall, trying to keep my mouth shut for as long as I could.

"How much pressure would it take to rip a person in half with your hands? Like if you pressed your knee into their back?"

"Baby you need so see a therapist-" he just completely froze. Nobody said anything but the smile on their faces made it obvious.

"I don't think I do, I think I need to know how much it would take." I tried to keep the conversation going. "Probably not a lot of you do it fast." Evan mumbled, half asleep.

"I guess but what if you fuck up? Like you paralysed them and they got really heavy and fell. You'd have trouble getting them back up and moving them around."

"What the fuck." Denny whispered. "Sorry." The next three hours were a little bit of a blur.

I'd spent most of it trying to figure out how much it would take without getting flagged down.

I have Radiohead stuck in my head.

It wasn't helping my hatred for hospitals, it was sort of making me sad.

Sometimes I could just space out for minutes and not say a word. Unfortunately this was one of those times.

When I was little I'd managed to get it down to perfection.

But now all I think about is the things I'd forced myself to ignore. Just staring at nothing almost on the verge of tears.

"Hey, you okay?" Louis turns me away from the wall. "I don't want to be in here anymore." The lump in my throat was growing. "Just a few more minutes okay."

"Louis please don't make me stay in here any longer." The bang on the wall behind me was what had caused the thread to just break.

"Please, please please I can't stay here. I don't want to stay here. I don't want to." The door opened and I felt my heart drop. Covering over my ears closing my eyes. "What happened?"

The constant beeping was hurting my head. "He can't stay, he needs to get out. Now." I can't feel my heart. I can't feel anything.

Everything was just fading in and out. I felt like I was dying.