Winter Sun- Larry Stylinson

December 11th.

I lied about the chapters almost ending. Sorry, I was in a mood. My cat bit my toe and it made me feel really violated.

"So, what you're just leaving?" He asks. "Yeah." He lets out a sigh. "You can't just stay here." He sounds a little too heartbroken.

"I'm going to get food. You are too tired to go. I'm not breaking up with you I'll be right back." He groans into the pillow. "Just stayy."

"I'll be back I swear." The sugar high doesn't hit until nine am apparently. "Call me if you get lost." He says. "Always. Bye."

"Bye, love you." What. The fuck.

He was fast asleep before I could ask him about it and I was in the verge of insanity.

The entire time I was walking to get food.

It had snowed, Louis didn't see it because he sleeps on the left side of the bed facing the door. But I knew he'd end up in a pile of it later.

I was trying to think of anything but that.

All I could think about was the snow and the snow made me think of Louis and— you get the idea.

I mean of course I loved him back but it didn't make it any less scary.

Maybe he didn't even mean it. Maybe he's too tired to know. Maybe I'm just going insane and imagining he said it to fill some stupid little hole in my heart.

Maybe I'm being followed and about to die.

Oh god this is exciting. This is not exciting.

I didn't mean that I loved him. I don't love him. No— no I mean, if I did I would've said it.

It's way easier to say I love you to people you love, I love Darla, I could say it to her face.

If I meant it I'd say it.

I felt the cold sharp and of the blade push into my back, ripping open my healed over scar and just almost hitting my bone.

"Jamie says hi." I knew exactly who that was. He didn't know me, assuming that I didn't know him he hid behind me. But I knew.

Now I'm bleeding just stood here waiting for some fucking end to it.

I guess I'd gotten blood on something I shouldn't have because I caught somebody's attention. "It's fine. It's fine."

I was struggling to breathe. Letting out hiccuped breathes just trying to make it go by quicker. "I'm fine."

Louis Tomlinson.

"Where's Harry? Harry Styles? He was sent in hours ago and they never gave an update." The woman frowns at me. "I can't give you that information."

"You can, I need to know where he is. I have to know what's happening. You can't just keep him from me I'll just go fucking find him myself." I can't breathe.

I was seriously struggling to keep it together. "Louis?" I turn around, my heart stopping as my legs give in. "They won't let me see him."

"He's still in surgery." Darla catches me in her arms brushing the hair from my face.

"It's okay. He'll be fine. They said it wasn't bad they just have to take extra steps to keep everything intact. He'll be out in about an hour."

"Who the fuck would do this? I don't understand why anybody would just- Ace?" His nose was bright red, his eyes bloodshot and puffy. "Is he alright?"

He was acting like he just didn't care. "He's still in surgery but he'll be fine. How are you everywhere?"

"I was following him because of the whole Jamie thing but I didn't get round in time and he was already in a crowd of people. He didn't even want saving he was trying to leave."

I wasn't sure why it made me angry. But it really pissed me off.

I'd spent the next hour and half just thinking about it, the more I thought about it the more it pissed me off.

Eventually I was in that much of a mood that I'd second guessed myself on whether or not I wanted to see him. "Louis you can't do this. He's been through so much, he probably just had a moment of weakness."

"He's still a bitch." I push the door open, the look on his face has told me enough. "You know what, we're gonna go get some food. We'll be right back."

"But I-" Darla shushes Ace, pushing him out of the room. "Do you want to talk about why you were just willing to leave?"

"It's easier than recovery." He wouldn't even look me in the eyes. "So you just decided that dying was your best bet?"

I was half way down the rabbit hole now. There wasn't much else I could've said.

So I just told the truth.

"I stopped drinking for you. I stopped smoking, I tried so hard to be better. Call me selfish but I'm not entirely sure that gives you the right to fucking let yourself die."

He was quiet, looking at me like I was in the wrong. "I didn't ask you to change."

"You didn't have to, Harry. That's what's so fucking annoying, having to be told that the one person in your life that actually likes you just didn't want to keep living?"

"Louis I would've gotten someone eventually. You're freaking out over nothing." I felt like my life was just sitting waiting for some sign that I should go. I felt sick.

"Nothing? Do you know how much I love you? Or do you just find it funny? I said it on accident before when I was half asleep but I meant it. And you're sitting here telling me that just because you'd use your last dying breath to call for somebody it's nothing?"

"Louis I don't want to do this with you right now." He tries to sit up.

I went to help.

I should've, but I didn't want to.

"I love you." I choked out. Standing there in silence with my heart in my hands.

"I'd gone in over my head thinking you loved me back but apparently you're just- here. Why make me go through all that trouble with you just to have me stand here like a dickhead?"

He looks away. Clearing his throat before he turns back to me. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Sorry for what? Spending the last month treating me like I matter, making me better, fixing me and then ruining me in a second? Do you feel better about yourself now Harry? Or do you feel like shit because you know you're a fucking asshole."

I want to hate him, I want so badly to hate him.

But I just couldn't.

"I hate you." I said with tears in my eyes and my heart in my throat.