Winter Sun- Larry Stylinson

November 25th.

Sitting on the end of the seat I look up taking the blueberries from Nina. Louis resting against my back. "Where's the other two?"

"On a date I think." Louis mumbled. "Oh, strange. Okay well me and Jordan have to get somethings from the store. We'll be back in an hour or two. Please don't get injured."

"Bye." She kisses my forehead. Doing the same to Louis. "I'm gonna die."

"I'm sure it's nothing honey. Try not thinking about it too much okay. It's only Darla, it's not like she's going to hate you."

"Okay." She ruffles his hair. Walking away after saying her goodbyes. Jordan doing the same.

Louis wasn't as giddy today. He wasn't sad he was just half asleep. I guess he was a little sad, but I'd hoped it was just another thing he'd overthink and then get over.

He kisses my back, hugging himself around me. "Talk to me."

"What if they hate me?" He cries. "Why would they ever hate you?" I pull myself around sitting facing him. "Why would they hate you?"

"Because what if they do? What if they just pretend to be fine with everything but that's just because they don't have anybody in their life that is actually gay. I mean they could just leave me. What if they leave me?"

"Louis I came out to them ages ago." I watched some relief wash over his face. "You did?"

"Yeah. First people I told after you. I promise you they will not hate you. You don't have to rush into it. You have your whole life to deal with this, but they're basically your family now you're not getting rid of them."

"They still like you. Maybe- it'll be fine." He was smiling. "What?"

"I can to kiss you more if I tell them. I call tell them, I'd get to be out. Not completely but it's better than nothing."

"Yeah. You do it in your own time. Just tell people when you're ready- don't worry about your dad, you have so many places you could go besides where he is. Don't think about it too much okay, everything's gonna be fine."

"If I call you my boyfriend is that okay?" My heart jumped. "Yeah."

It felt weird, girlfriend felt nicer- in a way. I like boyfriend, really like it. But girlfriend just felt more personal. "You're still my favourite girl." He brushes his finger under my chin.

Pulling me closer before kissing me. "Are you sure it's not weird? I mean you said you like guys and I'm- I mean I'm not super boyish but I- I don't know, I'm not a 'girl' but I don't, no I- I like how it is now."

"Harry, I promise you, you are the only one overthinking this. I'm so serious right now I don't think I have over thought this, ever. I think for once in my life i feel 100 percent on something. I just want you."

"I just don't want you going through life digging deeper into some sad little pit with me just because you feel obligated to it's just-"

He kisses me, stopping my ranting that probably could've lasted a while.

"It's you and me. Okay? I am just as much yours as you are mine. I'm not going to stop half way through my life and decide I don't want to be with you. I, want, you."

"Sorry." He taps my chest. "I can't even ask you the same questions because I can't over think it. I just really want to be with you. I don't have questions. I'm not worried."

"That makes one of us." I mumbled. "You like girlfriend better?" I nod, annoyingly shy for stupid reasons. "Yeah."

"Do you want me to use girlfriend all the time? Sometimes? Just with certain people? How do you want me to talk about you? Cause as long as I get to talk about you I do not care how you want it to be told."

"However it happens. I just like girlfriend because it feels a little more personal. I like boyfriend, never really been anybody's boyfriend, not really."

"Okay. Okay that's- cool. Yeah no I got it." It felt stupid. "Or you can just use boyfriend all the time and not bother. It's fine I don't care."

"You do care. So I care. Don't push your feelings aside just because you think I won't like you that's not how this works. You feel something slightly different, you tell me."

"I don't actually like being on top, there's something slightly different." He rolls his eyes. "I know that. I could've told you that. If there's anything you think you might want, or need or feel more comfortable with, tell me."

"What if one day I just cut my hair? Like shirt or bald or something." He shrugs. "Hair doesn't make you a certain gender Harry. You can cut your hair as short as you want but it won't change the way you feel about yourself in the inside."

My eye twitches, trying not to cry as I nod. "Mhm. And what if I wanted to die? Why the fuck would you say that to me? Oh my god."

Wiping my eyes and crying, just doing the same thing over and over I watched him just sit and wait. "You okay?"

"No you're a fucking shit bag and I hate you. Why'd you have to say that? Why am I crying over it? What the fuck is happening?" I rest my head on his shoulder.

"You're okay." He traces over my back, leaving soft kisses on my shoulder. "I was fine."

"Do you want to cut your hair?" He sounded worried. "No. But what if I do? Does that make me a fraud? If I don't keep at least one thing feminine I'm a fraud."

"You don't need to look feminine to feel it and be feminine Harry. Stop overthinking your feelings it's pissing me off. Just calm down. Everything is fine."

"No I'm fine. Shut up- sorry." My heart is hurting. "Maybe we should swim. Take our minds off of everything. Just do nothing."

I didn't want to move. "Can I just hug you a little longer?" I asked. "Always my love."