Nova Academy

Needy

Insistent knocking on the dorm door at 3:14am made Steven immediately more cranky. Who the fuck was trying to wake someone up this early? He hadn't been sleeping, only staring up at the ceiling feeling awful.

It was one of those days where Steven needed to be needed. Not needed like they needed him for the possible riot, though that was dragging behind him like shackles. Needed like loved needed. Needed like cherished needed. But he couldn't bear to ask for it. Not now, not ever.

He'd stayed quiet today and skipped breakfast which he later regretted but still somehow ended up eating nothing the entire day. He found it hard to focus on English or loud Mr. Hylander or Hazel trying to ask what's wrong. He had shaken his head every time and muttered, "Everything's fine."

Days like this often compiled into one aching feeling that sucked everything else inside it, so he'd shifted his focus to helping, being useful.

He still was not good at math, though studying had brought his grade up from a C- to a B. He tried to study it as best he could so people could ask him for guidance for the worksheet.

Beyond the blocky, clunky thoughts the hard things gave him, he found himself good at thinking abstractly. Porn Philosophy made him think creatively, and it drowned out the butterflies of doubt and self-loathing. He was good at empathizing with people, he was good at understanding their needs and being gentle with them if not a bit less than he used to as a child. He tried to latch onto the fleeting joy he felt seeing Adam, Hazel and Anna together. He tried to latch on to the joy of having Connie nearby, within arms reach most of the time. He'd tried to relish in the moments of safety and normalcy, things that may not be there in the future with the riots.

But past all of that, yesterday had been terrible and he'd been sitting alone in the dark for 5 hours.

He stumbled out of bed, forgetting to duck and smacking his head on the door frame as more knocking came.

"I'm coming! Jesus, don't you know it's a weekday?" He swung the door open and immediately his bad mood misted away, still slightly present but far more intangible.

In front of him was every man's dream: their messy haired, somehow wide awake, grabby girlfriend. She got ahold of his shirt and pulled him into her.

"Hey, Berry." He rubbed the exhaustion out of his eyes and wrapped his arms around her.

"Can I come inside?" She asked softly.

He guided her through the dark, careful not to wake up Hazel, and sat next to her on the bed.

The light illuminated her face more now, something was definitely wrong past the exterior.

Validation is hard to accept, but when you need it, it's always harder to ask for than to not have it. For both of them.

"What's up?" He barely got it out before she climbed onto his lap, tucking her legs behind his back like a koala.

"Maybe I came to do sinful things to you." She trailed her finger up to his neck.

He raised his eyebrows, pushing her finger away from his neck and rubbed his nose against hers sweetly, their lips accidentally brushing against each other. He didn't believe that for a second, but he could indulge in a minor distraction for the moment.

Her breath quickened and after a brief moment of heated apprehension, they both crashed their lips together.

Neither of them bothered trying to be coy anymore, her hands drifted along the hem of his pajama pants and then under which made him chuckle into the kiss. He liked her being so bold. He brought his up, both parting halfway up her back so he could play with her nipples.