(BTS FF) Ending Green

twenty-four✩ ◛ °perceiving you

Riya's POV

I'm shaking on my living room rug and can't stop.

My eyes are dry, but it doesn't matter. My body is crying through the motions of a silent panic attack. Small gasps are leaving my mouth as I struggle to breathe, as I struggle to remind myself it'll all be over tomorrow afternoon, but it doesn't matter; my body isn't catching up with my mind.

I scramble along the rug in search of my phone, but I can't find it. I won't leave the rug, and I know I haven't left it, so where is my phone?

I begin to hyperventilate.

I've been sitting here for so long that I've lost track of time. All I know is tomorrow is court, and I can't make myself go to bed, too afraid of what nightmares will torment me straight to dawn.

I claw at my chest and try to calm down. I try so hard, but I can't find my phone.

I can't find it.

I sit here, I sit on this rug, and I push myself to dissociate. I need to dissociate; I need to prove to myself that in that state, I can use my new self-defense training to protect myself. To differentiate between dreams and reality.

It feels as much as a punishment as it is training for possible future instances. I hope there isn't, but just in case, I sit on the rug.

I'm trying to take my power back, I think. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right.

Chansoo hurt me the most on the rug.

The thought furthers my panic attack, and I lean forward, resting my head against the rug.

I'll have to see Chansoo, I'll have to talk about what he did, everyone will see the footage, my friends included, and the media will find out. I'll be a living and breathing magazine headline.

My phone dings with a text, and I quickly lift myself up, my eyes wide as I try to locate it. I see the light underneath my couch and I rush forward, reaching beneath it and swiping it up.

I flip it up, and the light of the screen hurts my eyes, but I'm relieved I found it. It's misplacement was part of the reason for my panic attack; I needed it to set an alarm to wake up for court, but when I couldn't find it, I began to spiral.

I grip my phone tightly as my eyes become accustomed to its light.

📶 Verizon LTE 11:01 PM 🔋

Jungkook: Are you asleep?

My breath catches in my throat, and I rush to type a response. It's difficult through my panic and blurry vision, but I manage to send something. I'm not sure what, but I know I pressed send.

I stare at the screen, waiting for a response, and jump slightly when my phone rings. I'm able to make out Jungkook's contact photo, and I quickly accept the call.

I hear his voice, and my dry eyes begin to water.

"What's up with the keyboard smash?" he asks. "Feeling adventurous?"

I push my thoughts into the only word I feel capable of speaking. "Scared."

"Scared?" His easy tone slips into a worried one. "What's going on, Riya? Why are you scared?"

"Need you," I choke out. "Please."

"Hey." I hear shuffling as he moves around. "You're okay."

I hear keys jangling, and the sound makes me want to cry.

He's coming here.

"You're at your apartment, right?"