(BTS FF) Ending Green

fifteen⍣ ೋskies

Riya's POV

"I'm going to Jimmy Fallon," I inform my therapist. "Tomorrow."

"How do you feel about that?" she asks.

"It feels crazy."

"What does that translate to in feelings?"

"Maybe...maybe I feel...crazy, too?"

"Okay," she encourages. "Let's talk about that. Can you explain what crazy means?"

"It means out of control," I state matter of factly, my faith wavering from the look on her face. "Like you can't control anything."

"Well, it can mean a few things."

"Oh."

She explains, "It can mean mentally deranged, enthusiastic, or extremely."

"Oh."

"Do you feel like any of those things right now?"

"I...I don't think so."

"Do you feel extreme anything right now?" she prompts.

"Yes."

She nods encouragingly. "What do you think it is?"

"I don't know." I glance toward the door. "I feel—I think I feel too many extreme things."

"And it makes you feel crazy?"

"Ye—yes!" I cover my hand with my mouth, my eyes widening. "I'm so sorry, that was too loud."

Her eyes smile. "That's okay, Riya. You're just excited."

"But I was too loud."

"Being loud isn't bad, right? When a lot of us express our excitement or joy, our voices tend to rise because we're just so excited. Does excitement sound like a bad thing to you?"

"...no, I don't think so."

"Then you have nothing to be sorry for." She tilts her head, letting her smile follow. "Let's go back to the start. If you're not crazy but feel an extreme amount of emotions, what do you think you could be feeling?"

I think of my fingers and hesitantly inquire, "Anxious?"

"That could be a part of it. You said you're feeling a lot of feelings, so it sounds like anxiety could definitely be a part of it." She gives me a moment to revel in this before adding, "Do you think you could be feeling overwhelmed?"

Relief floods through my body at the word. A label for what I'm feeling. I feel heard.

I nod quickly.

"Overwhelmed," she continues. "Now that we know, there are some coping mechanisms that can help."

"Coping mechanisms?"

"Things we do to cope with overwhelming emotions and feelings."

I sit up taller. "Like what?"

"For starters, positive self-talk is always good. Sometimes though, our mind will catch up to our words before our body can, and although we tell ourselves it's okay, our bodies are still shaking."

My eyes widen, and I'm nodding quickly again.

"For the self-talk," she resumes. "We always want to tell ourselves we're strong, capable, and able to conquer whatever we see as an obstacle—whatever is causing the strong emotions. If we're afraid we aren't capable of accomplishing a goal, we tell ourselves we are capable of anything we work hard towards.

"If we've practiced towards a previous goal, we remind ourselves of our dedication towards it and the amount of time and effort we've put into it. It's helpful to remember we have done hard things in the past. It lets us know we can do more in the future, including the daunting goal at hand.