(BTS FF) Ending Green

twenty-five•̩̩͙-ˏˋ⋆destroying green

Riya's POV

Jungkook looks good in a suit.

I look down at my grey skirt and black Mary Janes. They have a slight heel to them, and it makes me look a lot more put together than I feel. I hold onto that, letting it soothe me.

I don't like the white dress shirt I'm wearing. It's uncomfortable and scratchy, and I want to jump out of my skin to get away from it. Daesul said it would give me an innocent image, therefore giving more credit to my story, but I hate that idea as much as I hate this shirt.

Stupid little tie on it that draws into a stupid little bow. I'm not stupid, and I shouldn't have to wear a certain shirt to prove my innocence.

I tug at the tie, allowing the bow to unravel. My chest loosens. No more bow.

Jungkook exits the bathroom, switching the light off as my kitchen clock blinks 7:07 AM.

We have to be at the courthouse by 8:30 AM. It's only twenty minutes away, but I couldn't fall back to sleep after 6 AM. I wandered my apartment until Jungkook woke up and urged me to sit at the table to eat.

Yogurt. No toppings again. Just yogurt.

I look up at Jungkook as he approaches. The smell of his cologne comforts me as best as it can.

"Hey." His voice is soft. "Ready?"

We both know I'm not, but I nod anyway.

True to his word, he texted Jin who came by around half an hour ago with medicine and Jungkook's suit.

I feel nauseous. I don't think I ate enough to balance out the medicine, but maybe it's because of court, so I don't say anything; I just hope for the afternoon when this will be over.

I take Jungkook's hand, my purse slung over my shoulder, and I take a deep breath. "Ready."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The courtroom is packed.

Daesul and Seic are here.

I don't see Chansoo yet.

A headache throbs behind my eyes.

I hope I don't see him as much as I know I will.

I'm sandwiched between Jungkook and Daesul, Seic on the other side of her, and my friends on the other side of Jungkook.

There were no paparazzi this morning to my knowledge. I'm not sure they're aware of the situation yet, but I know they will be soon.

I'm sitting up as straight as I can, attempting to make myself look bigger than I feel, and I listen to Daesul run through the game plan.

I nod and listen along even though I've memorized everything she's repeating. I know she's doing it for efficiency, it's her job, but I know every question she'll ask me. I've rehearsed how I'll respond, pretended my wall was her, and I kept my eyes on it as I pretended my rug was Chansoo. I sat as straight as I do now while rehearsing it in my kitchen.

I hear the doors to the courtroom open and tell myself not to look; I tell myself it could be Chansoo.

I tense and feel my shoulders slump. I feel how I almost instantaneously shrivel closer to Jungkook. I feel how my ears clog and the room spins and how my throat is sticky and dry.

I feel too much; I don't want to feel this much. Not now, not here. Not in this courtroom with beady eyes, police, and a judge who could change the course of my life with a snap of their fingers. No, not here. Maybe later at the cabin. Maybe I'll be okay with what I feel there.