Secrets - Seungjin

Chapter 3 - Never good enough

Soon enough, the bells ringing, the students are seated, and the teacher makes her way into the classroom with large papers in her hands. That could only mean one thing...

"Students! Your quarter finals have been recorded, I will be passing around your tests so you guys can see your scores."

Loud groans echo through the classroom. I was definitely one of the loudest ones. This was always the moment I dreaded, because no matter how hard I tried, my grades would never be up to par. Never up to par to some certain people...

Felix settles back in his chair beside me while cracking his knuckles, "I'm thinking a 28%, seungmin, what about you?"

"28%?? What the hell felix?" I blink at him rapidly. He wasn't that bright but he 28 was overkill.

"What? That test was hella hard, I bet the class average is gonna be in the 30s. Literally nobody passed." He says nonchalantly, only adding to my panicked state.

"I was thinking maybe a 70 something but..." I mumble as the teacher begins to pass out the large test sheets. It seemed like the whole class was bracing for impact.

When the teacher gets closer to mine and Felix's desks I turn to whisper to him, "Lix please say something to calm me down."

Almost on instinct the boy mutters out, "Seals hold hands so they don't lose eachother."

"Aww" My mood was immediately boosted as I lean on Felix's arm dramatically. Soon enough everyone had their tests infront of them.

"Alright students, you can turn them over now."

The sound of 30 students pages flipping was heard followed by a collective sigh and a few people had dropped theirs heads into their arms.

Felix's eyes widen when he sees his score, hitting on my shoulder excitingly, "MINNIE MINNIE I GOT A 83!"

But I didn't look his direction, because my eyes were locked on my own paper. The red letters at the top of it, next to my name, specifically.

49%

****

October 24th, 1:52pm

Now I'm sure one could argue that after going through such heartbreaking news that you could become numb to other ones. Like if you got stabbed by a knife, would being pricked by a pin really register as anywhere close?

For me it never was that way. I had gone through what people could call the worst. But that doesn't stop from other parts of my life being painful when things go wrong.

I would argue it hurts even more when something goes wrong, like the only thing I had going for me was also failing.

I had failed the exam.

I can't begin to count how many times my eyes traced over the number over and over again as if I didn't understand this was real. As if i was hoping my eyes would close and i would awake in my bed, all this being a long dream.

"Hyunjn bro I knew you had the looks but the brains too?" A voice echoed from the left side of me as my eyes stuttered away from the paper infront of me, slowly blinking at the shock.

Everything seemed so much louder.

"Hah man you flatter me!" Hyunjin laughed back as he dapped the boy standing beside him up. A few students had began to crowd around Hyunjins desk. I already knew what they were talking about from my seat across the room.

Just like it always was.

I could feel wetness in my eyes as I tried to blink away impending tears, I tensed my body and I looked away from the boys and girls cheering on Hyunjin, trying to block out their voices.

I could hear Felix asking something to my left but i was trying so hard not to give in. Because if I heard Felix, I would hear the boys across the room. After for what felt like an eternity of just my heartbeat in my ears, I feel a poke on my cheek.

All too familiar isn't it.

My safe space was interupted as my eyes and ears open and I find a face infront of my own.

Lee Minho.

"Seungminnie what did you get huh?" He smirked as if he already knew what my answer would be. He was taunting me.

I scowled and pushed his face away from mine, "Don't call me that."

"Too scared to share your score huh?" He put his hands on hips and steps back. Some of the other boys had gather around our table as well.

"Fuck off Minho." Felix spoke up from beside me, he knew how much this boy irked me. His snark comments would always hit me deeper than the surface.

Before I could say something to play off the tears threatening to fall, Minho snatched the paper from my desk. "HAH HE GOT A 49%"

A few other students had come to see the commotion, including Hyunjin. I looked at him, maybe in that moment I had a small sliver of hope. I thought maybe he would see how this was going to far. But I only saw him laughing loudly with them too.

He was no different.

"Damn you would think the nerd would get a good score huh?" Hyunjin flicked the side of my head making a few other laugh more.

"give it back." I said quietly, I couldn't handle the embarrassment, I wanted to leave but they had my paper.

"You want it back? Hm?" Minho teased while Felix tried to caress my arm and get us to leave. But I was paralyzed. I was focusing so hard on keeping a poker face.

"Yah leave him alone min." A familiar voice comes from behind the boys, they slowly clear for me to see Chan walking up to his friend. He snatches the paper from Minho.

"Chan hyung your no fun!" Minho whined as Chan rolls his eyes at him and places the paper back onto my desk. We make eye contact for a moment, I could feel the redness creep up my cheeks before I look away.

The rest of the day was spent mostly in the bathroom. You know. Crying.

If only I was like Hyunjin. I mean we grew up the same way, why was he so much better than me? Sure his attitude was anger inducing but he was handsome and never disappointed his parents. Really the only difference in our childhoods was that I... spent a lot of time out of school and in and out the hospital. But is that truly an excuse for this grade?

I can't let myself fall behind.

I fight back my heavy eyelids and the fog that was swirling in my brain when I unlock the stall I had been in for a class or two. I splash some water on my face and exit the bathroom, pulling out my phone to check what I missed.

There a was a message from Felix asking if I needed anything in the bathroom, man did he know me so well that he even figured I went to the bathroom to cry.

And I also had another message from Chan, him also asking if I was okay.

A small smile emerged on my face. The first one in a few hours.

A/n

Ah this is saddddd

Hopefully we can expand on seungmins feelings more with the diary element

Hope you enjoyed!