January 10th, 12:05pm
My heart dropped in that moment.
"Gross...?" My mouth had hung open, realizing the situation at hand, "Y-you heard us...?" My mind drifted back to the interaction I had with Minho earlier, in which I was flustered over his proposition about Hyunjin.
I knew that was the moment we had to finally talk.
About this complex relationship what was forming between us.
The line between hate and love was blurry. It felt like we had stepped over a certain barrier only to be held back by another, too scared to face the new walls between us.
Could we really just move on from the years of hating eachothers guts without even realizing if it was all confusion?
He hated me.
So why would I even believe that his heart might beat for me?
Well I think the first thing to address in this confusing journal entry is the forced aspects of my hatred toward Hwang Hyunjin.
Hyunjin was always like an annoying little brother that Wonpil always had to take care of and I had to put up with it.
He was an absolute tease, always marking snarky comments and knowing the right things that would get me embarrassed. It almost felt like he knew me too well, or atleast the parts he used to his teasing advantage.
When in reality, the two of us were almost strangers in the places that matter.
And I had no real reason to ever hate him.
Hyunjin knew all of my habits, all of the things I like and dislike, and my family life too. He did spend practically half his life in my house.
But he never knew any true struggles. I never opened up to him and neither did he.
Somehow, it always felt like he had this strange soft spot.
He didn't seem particularly happy when someone else, like the bitch bunny Minho, ever teased me. It's like he was protective over the role of being my bully. And he did walk me to school everyday, even if he teased me the whole way.
Frenemies right?
We had a distinct role in eachothers lives.
But things had begun to change over the course of this year.
Hyunjin had grown. I felt proud of him for doing so.
He began to care a lot more and being honest with himself. The first time I really saw his struggles was at Changbins party where he got drunk and cried and kissed me and it was a whole fiasco.
Since then, he's changed the way he acts around me.
We always had our playful banter, teasing eachother about everything as we always had. But this time, anything he did had a more caring tone.
With the protectiveness on top.
From the way he fought Chan for me and bandaged my wounds to the way he holds my hand and smiles at me with such warmth.
It felt like... we knew eachother now.
The walls were breaking.
And we had to face it.
"I-I thought we were finally getting somewhere!" Hyunjin suddenly exclaimed, throwing his head back and pressing his hands to his eyes in frustration, "I promised you I wouldn't be so two faced anymore. I wanted to care about you publicly because I'm not ashamed about things I feel!"
YOU ARE READING
Secrets - Seungjin
Fanfiction"That was the day I found out I had cancer." A simple boy living a simple life was all Kim Seungmin looked like from the outside. Maybe some could catorgorize him as a loser or a loner, but nobody really knew what was really happening. The reason wh...
