Foolish one

Chapter 15

Alexia picked me up when we had to travel to Madrid. I had been sleeping so bad that week, barely getting three hours of sleep per night and having countless panic attacks. I hoped it would get better once I could see Ona. Otherwise, I would have to tell my sister, and my therapist.

It was a long train ride to get to the stadium where we would be playing tomorrow. I sat next to Alexia, as usual, but instead of talking I slept the entire way. In total I think I was awake for about ten minutes of the three-hour train ride. Something that concerned her, since it was early in the morning.

"Are you sleeping okay Isa?" she asked when we made our way out of the train. "Why wouldn't I be sleeping okay?" I quickly answered. Defending my behaviour. She couldn't find out that I wasn't sleeping when I was alone. If she found out it would be a disaster. No, this would need to be kept between me and my sister. It was bad enough that she had noticed the new scars on my arms, even though I did my best to hide them.

"You have dark circles under your eyes, something you have never had before. And you just slept three hours, and it's not even dinner time yet. You never sleep that long when we travel" she said. Her voice was full of worry, and it almost made me want to tell her everything. Almost, being the keyword. "I'm fine, just trying to get used to living by myself and not having anyone helping with the dishes" I joked. Alexia didn't find that funny at all, shooting me a glare that told me more than I hoped it would. "Just know that you can always talk to me, about anything" she said, her voice lower than before. I was thankful for that, no one else needed to get involved in this. 

Wehad gotten on a bus, to travel the last few kilometres to the hotel we would bestaying at. I loved away games. It was always fun travelling with the team. Andproving to the oppositions fans that we were the better team was even more fun.But home games had a special place in my heart. When family and friends couldcome and watch, having loyal fans screaming and cheering us on. I don't know whichone I prefer

This game I would be sharing a room with Alexia. Mapí wasn't allowed to travel with us because of a small injury. Really it was more preventing a real injury than her needing the rest. Lluís had told me what this meant. It meant I would be starting. In that sense I was happy to stay with Alexia, she always managed to calm me down with just her presence. She could never know that. It would be awful.

"Which bed do you want?" Alexia asked when the two of us entered the room. It was the usual hotel room, with two double beds, a bathroom, a desk and minifridge. I liked that it had a minifridge, if I needed, I could put in a small meal. "Isa?" Alexia asked once again. I had zoned out again, totally ignoring what she had asked. "Sorry, I would prefer having the one furthest from the door" I apologized before checking if the door was locked. "Then I'll take the one closest to the door" she answered.

In silence we started unpacking, her clothes were as neatly folded as mine. I put the clothes in the closet and my toiletry bag in the bathroom. In there I had everything I needed for staying the night at a place. Tablets for my anxiety, makeup, supplements and makeup remover to mention some things. 

After unpacking it was time for lunch. I hated lunch in new places. What if they served something I didn't like? How would I be able to train if I couldn't eat the lunch. I wouldn't get any energy and would perform badly. I didn't want that, not when I was starting again.

Luckily, there were several options and they all looked edible. Not one single thing had any shellfish in, I asked the servers to make sure I didn't get an allergic reaction. The last time I ate shellfish I ended up in the hospital, with my throat closing and hives forming all over my body. Since that day I was forced to carry epi-pens with me. Was the one I had past its expiration date? I needed to check that now. If it was it would be unusable. What would I do then? What if I had a reaction? No, it was still in date. That was good for me.