Foolish one

Chapter 71

The next few weeks passed in the same manner. With long nights taking care of Martina, stolen moments whenever we had a minute. It was stressful, but it was filled with love. We had looked into hiring a nanny for Martina and had started our interviews with them. This turned out to be a tedious progress, and we were yet to be successful. Everyone we found was either too young, too inexperienced, or just bad with children.

I wanted to find someone that could take care of Martina when we couldn't, during training and maybe even for a date night occasionally. We had also put Martina on a few preschool waitlists, or el guardería as it was called here in Spain. It didn't hurt to be prepared and when time came, we could choose the best place for her.

At the same time, I was slowly getting back to full training. My strength was improving and so was my endurance. I was, however, still far away from a return to the pitch. Early February was the earliest I could even think about returning. It was far away, but it was best for my body to heal before doing something as strenuous as football. Most of my days were spent in the gym, doing simple exercises with barely any weight. I longed to be out on the pitch with the team. At least they joined me in the gym for about an hour each day.

Giving birth was harder than I thought, but trying to come back to football was even harder. It was tough to leave Martina every day. She was crying every time we dropped her off and it never got easier. When she cried like that, I got tears in my eyes and all I wanted to do was to have her with me. Some days I couldn't leave her and then she joined us for practice. Everyone was happier those days when they could have some cuddles after practice. I just wanted to stay with Martina all the time, but I knew that wasn't healthy, so I forced myself to go out of our apartment at least once a day, some of them without Martina.

Right now, it was Christmas time. Alexia and I had decorated our apartment with twinkling Christmas lights and a sparkling Christmas tree. An absurd number of presents were sitting under the tree. Most of them were for Martina, some of them even from our teammates, both club and country.

The season was on a Christmas break, and I was thankful for that. It meant Alexia was home more and we could spend time with Martina and the people we loved. It meant I had someone to help me with the chores every day, and not just the days when Alexia only had training. She did her best to help me with everything, I knew that, but it was still hard to handle.

Last night Alexia had held Martina as they decorated the tree. I had been baking cookies in the kitchen, decorating one batch as the second one was in the oven. It was incredibly domestic, and I could see every Christmas like this. Maybe even with another child in the future.

The funny thing was that we weren't even celebrating here. Christmas this year was to be celebrated at Eli's place, with the entirety of Alexia's family. The family that was almost mine too. Or they would be soon. It was great to not have to see my dad. I refused to talk to him, and he would never meet Martina, he didn't deserve that after leaving.

Martina was just over four months old, and I had no idea how someone that small could be so cute. I also had no idea how she was so big, she was weighing roughly six kilos, double the weight from when she was born. Everyone who met her were heads over heels. She had tiny feet and tiny hands, along with the cutest little smile. They all saw her as small, but I found her huge. I pushed that out of me, and that was sick.

This time of the year had been difficult ever since my mom passed away. It was hard to celebrate and be happy without one of the most important people I knew in my life. It didn't matter that I was twenty-three and she had been dead for over six years. It didn't make it hurt any less. What made it hurt less was that I had my family here with me. The two people I loved the most. My fiancée and our daughter.