It's another ordinary day at New Locationer McGee in Waterville, Ohio. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. There's nobody there because there's so many goddamn cornfields everywhere, save for two certain individuals.
SCOTT THE WOZ, alive and well, is writing in a journal in his editing room.
SCOTT: (as he writes) "Hey journal, Scott here. Current events, am I right? They're so impactful to our history, our culture, and even who we are. So let's ignore it all! Everything's fine! No, I don't need to take my meds! It's fine!"
He picks up his pencil for a bit in contemplation, sighs, and scratches out what he just wrote. SCOTT continues to write.
SCOTT: (as he writes) Okay, fine, I'm a little scared. And pissed. I feel like I got yanked out of my daily schedule just to watch people die. I'm a coward for not getting back in, but I'm not a fighter, despite all the people I've bested in battle before and presumably after this. I'm the virgin vampire, not the bloodthirsty berserker. Well, I'm still bloodthirsty, but, y'know. And what's worse is-
He scowls at what he wrote and tears the page out. SCOTT crumples it and chucks it across the room. However, he did not intend for it to hit you as you walked into said room, because he didn't know you were there to begin with. Thankfully, you didn't spill Scott's requested blood-flavored coffee because he was, as he said, bloodthirsty.
Y/N: Darling? Are you alright?
SCOTT: Who, me? Yeah. Fine. Just... working out creative kinks for my Wii U collection video and all that.
Y/N: ...
SCOTT: ...
There's an undeniable tension between the two of you, and not the NSFW kind.
Y/N: Do you want to talk about it now?
SCOTT: (clearly phoning it in) About how Luigi may or may not had said "fuck" in Mario Golf?
Y/N: (not buying it because you're so awesome and cool) About the war, Scottathon.
He froze. His uncomfortable smile loosens as he looks down.
SCOTT: I really don't want to.
Y/N: Well... may I at least talk about it? We can't just go back to our old lives days after all that happened, honey. People died.
SCOTT: (voice low) you think i don't know that?
Y/N: (approaching SCOTT) It's not your fault. None of that was. I'm sure that if the wig stayed on, the same thing would've played out. (sets coffee on his desk)
SCOTT: (looks up at you with pain in his eyes) You don't know that, okay? Nobody does! Maybe if I didn't hide like a little bitch, they'd still be alive.
Y/N: Scott-
SCOTT: (getting up with tears in his eyes) And what about you, huh?
Y/N: (confused) Me?
SCOTT walks towards you. Given how close you already were to him, you take a step backwards every time he takes a step forwards.
SCOTT: What if that wig never did come off, huh? Nobody would've known it was me. We could've been forced to fight each other, Y/N, and I never do that outside of Smash Bros., nor do I want to! I could've been responsible for-
Strained, he swallows his emotions and places your face between his palms so that you can stop backing away and focus on him.
SCOTT: (quieter) All that matters in the end is that you're safe. Nobody's going to hurt you, and especially not me. I don't need to lose you the same way I lost my friends.
Y/N: Scottathon...
The two of you hit an emotionally charged embrace. Amidst the pain and sorrow, you're thankful you put his coffee down before this happened. He was in significant pain as is, and scalding liquid burning across his chest wouldn't have exactly made him feel any better.
SCOTT: I love you, Y/N.
Y/N: I love you too, Scott.
Suddenly, a knock is heard from the front door. Then the doorbell rings. This doesn't go unnoticed by either of you. You both perk up your heads towards the source of the noise.
Y/N: Were you expecting someone?
SCOT: Honestly, if I had to guess, it'd probably be another crazed fan. Grab the mace.
You reach into your pant pocket and pull out a comically large mace canister.
Y/N: Locked and loaded.
SCOTT: Aw, Y/N, you're so smart and cool and awesome, I love you.
Both SCOTT and Y/N make their way over to the front door. SCOTT, unable to use a mirror for obvious reasons, runs his fingers across his fangs to make sure they're prepped. Probably should've done that earlier but he was shocked with how prepared and awesome and cool and smart you are.
The doorbell rings again. You both look at each other and nod before you go to open the door. Then you gasp.
Standing there on the steps is a ragged figure, covered in sweat and blood alike. His body is shaking, almost on the verge of collapsing. Panting heavily, he looks up at Y/N and SCOTT, happy to see them. While you don't recognize the war-torn person, SCOTT does, and he is as confused as he is horrified.
SCOTT: AKECHI?!
AKECHI: (weakly) ...water...
AKECHI's body gives way, causing him to collapse onto the porch unconscious. You look at SCOTT expectedly.
SCOTT: Long story.
Y/N: Tell it to me while we put him on the couch, then.
SCOTT: Anything for you, my cool, smart, awesome spouse.
The two of you pick up AKECHI's limp body and begin to make your way to the couch, but not before closing and locking the front door behind you. It was about to get rough.
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Waifus Are Forever
FanfictionSeveral worlds. Six prophesied heroes. Two gay lovers. And one massive Waifu War. This is the end of the main Waifu Wars timeline. The more of my crack fanfiction you've read, the more sense this will make.