Alive (Phan)

ELEVEN

When I finally arrived home at around eight in the morning I said a silent prayer to whatever powers may be that my mum was still asleep. I smelled of alcohol and was too drunk to have fooled her. I took a quick and quiet shower and slipped into bed. I stared restlessly at my ceiling for a very long time. Phil never responded to my text. By now it was stupid to think he would. But for some reason that didn't stop me from eyeing my phone hopefully, my fuzzy thoughts consumed with the boy who had almost been my best friend and guilt for using Di to- to what? Make him jealous? I hadn't cried myself to sleep in a long time, but that night, I couldn't keep the tears from falling and the voices from swirling around in my head.

I knew I was getting bad again.

I slept most of the day. I forced myself to leave my cave of sheets and pillows just in time to straighten my hair and look decent enough to go to the party. I told my reflection to have a good attitude and try to talk it out with Phil, though I had my doubts that that would go exactly as planned. I tried to stay positive as I checked my hair for loose curls for what must have been the fifth time.

"Dan!" My mum called from the kitchen, "Girlfriend's here!"

"Thanks," I shouted back.

"Have fun!"

"Mhm," I replied, "Don't wait up!"

I hopped into the front seat of Di's car and shouted a greeting over the sound of The 1975 shrieking through the speakers. She pecked my cheek in response and took off out of the driveway.

Upon arriving at Chris' house, Di and I were handed beers and immediately shuffled downstairs by PJ. Everyone in the basement was sitting in the semi-circle of couches around a projector to watch the film. I quickly scanned the room for Phil as I sat, but I didn't see him anywhere. That was odd, I thought. Even if he was still mad about yesterday, he had the lead role in the film. Surely he would turn up.

"Attention everyone!" PJ's voice echoed through the room, "Prepare your eyes for perhaps the most spectacular thing they will ever see!"

"But first—" Chris interrupted, "Di, would you please come forward?" Di blushed and squeezed my hand as she stood and crossed to where Chris and PJ were standing.

"Diana," Chris said, throwing an arm over her shoulder, "Diana, Diana, Diana. Where to begin? I've known and hated you my entire life." Everyone chuckled, including me. "But, even though we are mortal enemies," he winked, "Even I cannot deny that the sight we are about to behold is a true masterpiece. And it is a masterpiece we all were a part of, which wouldn't have been possible without you. So Di, on behalf of all of us and our last time working together, Cheers!" he raised his glass and we copied, "and congratulations." He smiled more sincerely than I thought possible from Chris and I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes as we all toasted and drank.

I will never forget the way I felt in that moment: like I was a part of something much bigger than myself. I knew how much this film meant to Di. She never shut up about it. But the truth is, it wasn't just Di: it was all of us. The people surrounding me had been working together on films for years. Chris, Phil, Peej, and their other friends like Jamie and Sophie and Oliver and Steph and so many other people I didn't even know the names of. I had just stepped in and been welcomed into this giant family of people who loved each other and cared about each other and fought to make each other successful. They'd been fighting for who knows how long, and now Di finally was getting there. She was the oldest. The first to graduate. The first to move on to bigger things. Even I felt tears welling in my eyes as I necked my glass. Di was bawling as she returned to her seat next to me and was greeted by applause from everyone around us.

"Congrats, Di," someone said behind us. I turned to see Phil, who had obviously just sneaked in, in dark-wash jeans and a checked shirt.

"Thanks, Lester," Di's voice cracked through her tears, "You know I couldn't have done it without you and Dan."